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Can't Miss Slants

2021 NFL Preseason Power Rankings

Reading is dumb so just look at the table.

 

RankTeamComments
1Kansas City ChiefsThe only person that could make the throws Mahomes does is Aaron Rodgers.
2Tompa Bay BuccaneersBrady Brady Brady Brady Brady Brady
3Buffalo BillsBills Mafia probably suffers another heart breaking loss in a big game
4Green Bay PackersNFC North rejoices as Rodgers takes his farewell tour of the division.
5Baltimore RavensThat RB is an ok QB
6Cleveland BrownsBaker Mayfield was made for insurance commercials.
7L.A. RamsThis is Staffords shot to prove its the lions that Suck and not entirely him.
8Tennessee TitansJulio is washed.
9Seattle SeahawksWilson will get out to a hot start to garner the attention of never receiving an MVP vote and then suck down the stretch.
10Dallas CowboysYear 2 of Mike McCarthy's offense. Maybe it will work with a healthy Dak.
11San Francisco 49ersLosing their DC could spell trouble for a team with no QB.
12Pittsburgh SteelersBig Ben sucks.
13Arizona CardinalsJJ Watt can't save you.
14Indianapolis ColtsNice trade for an injured QB you fucking mooks.
15L.A. ChargersYour QB could be good, too bad nobody will notice.
16Minnesota VikingsKirk Cousins will single handedly pray covid away.
17Miami DolphinsTua sucks you should just trade for Watson already.
18 New England PatriotsBill must cry holding a picture of Tom Brady every night now that he's stuck with Cam Newton.
19Las Vegas RaidersImagine giving Jon Gruden a 10 year contract.
20New Orleans SaintsTaysom Hill won this.
21Washington WokesJust pick a name already.
22Atlanta FalconsAt 22 you have a lot of rising up to do.
23Chicago BearsSoldier's Fields is the second worst Fields in Chicago.
24New York GiantsBad.
25Carolina PanthersNot good.
26Philadelphia EaglesWhat a shit show.
27Denver BroncosRemember when Aaron Rodgers was going to be their QB?
28Jacksonville JaguarsNice Tebow signing. Why don't you sign Dez Bryant next and put him at Linebacker.
29Cincinnati BengalsJoe Burrow is probably the 3rd best QB out of the 2020 draft.
30New York JetsYou're the second saddest thing involving planes to happen to New York.
31Detroit LionsThe Lions are back to where they feel most comfortable.
32Houston TexansAnd to think this team looked young and promising just a few seasons ago.