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Can't Miss Slants

FYS Week 15 NFL Power Rankings

PROCTOLOGISTICS

My power rankings will be brought to you by: Samuel Adams White Christmas, Laphroaig 10, and Pandora US Christmas Hits radio.

I apologize if you sense a lack of effort, but I am one day past a colonoscopy, and two days into a cold/flu.

There really weren’t any great surprises this week, but 6 teams have claimed a spot in the playoffs, and the last two weeks should be interesting as the teams still in contention jockey for the remaining playoff spots.

 

WEEK 14 RESULTS BASED ON RANKING

This week I went 12-4, bitches! This brings my Year to date record to 136-88. Not bad for a blind, deaf, bald old retard.

So, here are my week 15 predictions:

WinnerLoser
Oakland (H)San Diego
WashingtonPhiladelphia (H)
New EnglandNew York Jets (H)
HoustonTennessee (H)
Kansas City (H)Cleveland
IndianapolisMiami (H)
Detroit (H)San Francisco
Tampa Bay (H)Chicago
Buffalo (H)Dallas
CarolinaAtlanta (H)
PittsburghBaltimore (H)
JacksonvilleNew Orleans (H)
Seattle (H)Saint Louis
Arizona (H)Green Bay
Minnesota (H)New York Giants
CincinnatiDenver (H)

 

THIS DAY IN HISTORY (November 25)

1888 – Vincent Van Gogh cuts off his own ear.

He’s no Lorena Bobbitt.

194 – Truman grants pardon to WWII draft dodgers.

He’s no Lorena Bobbitt.

1972 – Franco Harris makes the
Immaculate Reception”.

He’s worse than Lorena Bobbitt.

FANTASY FOOTBALL FORUM

Team Deez Nuts kicked the living crap out of Chris Carter’s Fall Guys, despite MKE’s obviously superior team. This means I will advance to the finals to face Straight Out of Cobbton, Affectionately know as, Gabes.

May you rot in hell, Gabes.

Pro Tip: Check your lineup each week. It may be the difference between advancing to the championship, or playing for 3rd place, like MKE.

WHO’S HOT

KC and Seattle. Getting hot at the right time.

WHO’S NOT

Me. I feel like hot stinky ass.

YOU SAID IT

AllSaintsRow – Take this hippie everyone is special shit out of here…

MIB – Done, cunt.

 

JJavi2k3 – MIB said something nice about Cam. You are rad as fuck.

MIB – This may be the first sign of maturity I’ve noticed in you.

 

gatrbuc17 – MIB, MKE…I get the two mixed up often : )

MIB – First of all, wipe that stupid grin off your face. Secondly, it’s very easy to tell us apart. I’m a winner, and MKE is a loser.

 

Well, I hope this doesn’t get me fired.

IT’S TIME TO RANK ‘EM AND SPANK ‘EM

Rank
(Previous)
TeamRecordComments
1
(1)
Carolina Panthers14-0Merry Christmas!
2
(2)
Arizona Cardinals12-2Kiss my ass.
3
(3)
Kansas City Chiefs9-5Kiss your ass.
4
(4)
New England Patriots12-2Kiss his ass.
5
(5)
Seattle Seahawks
9-5If I don't get this bonus check, I'm in it up to here.
6
(6)
New York Jets9-5Eat shit.
7
(7)
Pittsburgh Steelers9-5Fuck you.
8
(8)
Cincinnati Bengals11-3Go to hell.
9
(9)
Green Bay Packers10-4Smell my butt.
10
(13)
Minnesota Vikings9-5Lick my sack.
11
(15)
Washington Redskins7-7Choke on a scrotum.
12
(10)
Denver Broncos10-4Pimple puss.
13
(16)
Houston Texans7-7Goiter juice.
14
(11)
Oakland Raiders6-8Rocky's rancid revenge.
15
(12)
Philadelphia Eagles6-8Tip of the dick to you.
16
(20)
Saint Louis Rams6-8My your children have festering boils.
17
(14)
New York Giants6-8Ass gravy.
18
(17)
Buffalo Bills6-8Blue waffle house.
19
(18)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers6-8Anal gland.
20
(19)
Indianapolis Colts6-8Festered taint.
21
(25)
Atlanta Falcons7-7Moldy camel crotch.
22
(21)
Jacksonville Jaguars5-9Montezuma's revenge.
23
(22)
Chicago Bears5-9Fumunda cheese.
24
(23)
Miami Dolphins5-9Dank dingle berry.
25
(29)
Detroit Lions5-9Toasted snot.
26
(24)
New Orleans Saints5-9Poison pussy
27
(26)
Baltimore Ravens4-10Aunt Fanny's moldy lactate.
28
(27)
Dallas Cowboys4-10Crusty Ebola infected ear wax.
29
(28)
San Francisco 49ers4-10Sulfur scented shart.
30
(32)
San Diego Chargers4-10Cauliflower cunt.
31
(30)
Cleveland Browns3-11Sebastian Jackin' off juice.
32
(31)
Tennessee Titans3-11Rancid rectal rendering.