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Can't Miss Slants

FYS Week 2 Power Rankings

Proctologistics

What a difference a week makes (unless you live in Jacksonville or Oakland).

The following cities have been taken off suicide watch:

Baltimore, Chicago, Washington, Dallas, Boston, Cleveland, St Louis, San Diego, and Green Bay.

Suicide warnings have been issued for Indianapolis and New Orleans.

I would also like to remind the Jets, 49ers, Giants and Colts that the NFL has not shortened the games to three quarters. I would encourage your teams to come prepared to play a full 60 minutes next week.

 

Who’s Hot

The Buffalo Bills, coming off an impressive week one road win, return home this week and trounce a divisional opponent.

Who’s Not

The New Orleans Saints, specifically their defense, have now spotted the Carolina Panthers a 2 game lead in their division.

 

You Said it

Staffords erect penis – Yo, John Jedlicka imma let you finish, but you can’t have the Bears above the Bills after they just lost to the Bills at home.

JJ – Apparently you’re correct. You can’t blame me for doubting the Bills though.

 

AndrewLet – John’s lack of week one overreaction saddens me.

JJ – If it’s overreaction you want, prepare your angus! I’m about to tear these rankings a new one!

 

Time to Rank ‘em and Spank ‘em!

Rank
(Previous)
TeamRecordComments
1
(2)
Philadelphia Eagles2-0Props, for now. I wouldn't mind seeing Washington wipe the stupid grin off Chip Kelly's face.
2
(3)
Denver Broncos2-0Does Peyton hum the Nationwide jingle in the huddle?
3
(4)
New England Patriots1-1Nothing like the Golden Gophers to get you back on track.
4
(7)
Cincinnati Bengals2-0Who would have thought you'd be the one team in your division that wasn't harboring criminals?
5
(10)
Arizona Cardinals2-0Drew Stanton is the next QB due for the $100 million plus contract!
6
(23)
Buffalo Bills2-0Nothing as satisfying as flogging your dolphin!
7
(1)
Seattle Seahawks1-1Have you considered importing the 12th man to your road games?
8
(18)
Carolina Panthers2-0Doesn't it feel better stealing victories than laptops?
9
(11)
Baltimore Ravens1-1Ray Rice has taught this team how to administer a proper beating.
10
(16)
Houston Texans2-0JJ Watt may end up being the first offensive and defensive MVP.
11
(15)
Chicago Bears1-1Cock-a-doodle-do! Wake up, it's the 4th quarter!
12
(9)
Green Bay Packers1-1Classy of you to spot the Jets the Jets an 18 point lead.
13
(22)
San Diego Chargers1-1We're gonna get some good derp faces, if Rivers keeps this up!
14
(8)
Atlanta Falcons1-1WE'RE BACK!...
Well, at least we're still here.
15
(12)
San Francisco 49ers1-1Colin, what did you say?You little devil.
16
(13)
Detroit Lions1-1Now, that's the Lions we've grown to know and love.
17
(14)
New York Jets1-1TIME OUT!
No, wait... nevermind.
18
(17)
Pittsburgh Steelers1-1You're starting to show your age.
19
(19)
Miami Dolphins1-1No reason to carry around the burden of living up to the 1972 teams perfect record.
20
(20)
Minnesota Vikings1-1Time to reinstate AP. We can worry about the children later.
21
(25)
Cleveland Browns1-1I was tempted to rank you higher, if only because you beat the Saints. Then I realized, you're still the Browns.
22
(21)
Tennessee Titans1-1Don't feel too bad. I still have you ranked above the Cowboys, even if it is just out of spite.
23
(6)
Indianapolis Colts0-2Luck will only take you so far.
24
(5)
New Orleans Saints0-2It's not time to dust off the paper bags yet, but it wouldn't hurt to locate them.
25
(27)
Washington Redskins1-1RG III gets the MVP for injuring himself.
26
(28)
St Louis Rams1-1Settle down. You beat the Bucs. They have trouble with backup QBs.
27
(24)
Tampa Bay Bucaneers0-2But, but, but...
we hired Lovie Smith. Doesn't that guarantee wins?
28
(26)
Jacksonville Jaguars0-2Well, at least you're consistent.
29
(31)
Dallas Cowboys1-1If you're wondering why there are 0-2 teams above you, it's because I don't like you.
30
(29)
Kansas City Chiefs0-2Bob Fescoe is one loss away from another epic rant.
31
(30)
New York Giants0-2You guys are really making Eli look bad.
32
(32)
Oakland Raiders0-2Somehow, Chris Berman still loves you.