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Can't Miss Slants

FYS Week 8 Power Rankings

PROCTOLOGISTICS

The ranks of the undefeated have thinned. The remaining undefeated teams are the New England Patriots, Cincinnati Bengals, Carolina Panthers, and Denver Broncos.

Sadly, the Green Bay Packers traveled to Denver, and were beaten like a red headed step children…no. They were massacred like the Indians at wounded knee…no. They got finished early, unlike Donny’s deck…no. They were bent over and breech loaded like…well, your mother. Yes, that’s it!
At any rate, they lost.

Funny thing is, the league is so abysmal, even the 1-7 LOLions are still in the playoff mix.

One more thing; Snickers or Baby Ruth?

WEEK 8 RESULTS BASED ON RANKING

As you know, each week I make picks for the following week’s games based on my current rankings.

Not a bad week. I managed to go 10-4, which obviously means I’m honing in on the contenders! This brings my year too date total to 78-42.

Not bad for a dumb motherfucker. Right, MKE?

So, here are my week 8 predictions:

WinnerLoser
Cincinnati (H)Cleveland
Carolina (H) Green Bay
New England (H)Washington
New Orleans (H)Tennessee
Buffalo (H)Miami
Minnesota (H)Saint Louis
New York Jets (H)Jacksonville
OaklandPittsburgh (H)
New York GiantsTampa (H)
Atlanta San Francisco (H)
DenverIndianapolis (H)
PhiladelphiaDallas (H)
ChicagoSan Diego (H)

THIS DAY IN HISTORY (October 28)

1922 – The entrance to King Tut’s tomb is discovered.
I sure wish your mother could have held out this long.

1948 – T.S. Elliot wins Nobel prize for Literature.
Read his shit. It will make you a better person.

2008 – Barak Obama is elected the United States first black president.
DEAL WITH IT!

FANTASY FOOTBALL FORUM

Turns out, I’m an idiot savant. My idiot is fairly obvious, but the savant…Huh Huh Huh Huh! I’m borderline Fantasy Football genius! Deez Nuts improved to 7-1 on the season, beating Team Horse 123 to 86.

Pro tip: Don’t be Gabes

WHO’S HOT

The Deflators. Perhaps it’s just your dreams they deflate?

WHO’S NOT

Sinse there are only 10 teams with a record better than .500, I’m going to say, the rest of you. YOU KNOW WH YOU ARE!

YOU SAID IT

thenichels – Skip Bayless and Steven A Smith could come up with better power rankings than this.
MIB – Yes, and you would argue just as hard with those idiots.

bp = I love MIB more than ever before
MIB – *blushes

 

IT’S TIME TO RANK ‘EM AND SPANK ‘EM

Rank
(Previous)
TeamRecordComments
1
(1)
New England Patriots7-0If the redskins need to change their name, so do you. You're the original racists.
2
(2)
Cincinnati Bengals7-0Skyline chili.
Enough said.
3
(4)
Carolina Panthers7-0Took Indy to overtime. Hmm, impressive.
4
(5)
Arizona Cardinals6-2Who in God's name gives rattlesnake warnings to Trick-or-Treaters?
You suck.
5
(9)
Denver Broncos7-0Hmm, you beat the Packers?
Free pass!
6
(7)
Minnesota Vikings5-2What in the hell is lutefisk?
7
(3)
Green Bay Packers6-1Rodgers still has trade value.
Just saying.
8
(6)
Atlanta Falcons6-2NFL fans jokingly call them "Tampon Bay"., and you lost to them.
9
(11)
Saint Louis Rams4-3You are an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a pile of shit.
10
(12)
Oakland Raiders4-3You know what?
Fuck you!
11
(13)
Seattle Seahawks4-4Creeping up the ladder. Be careful, that ladder is covered in feces.
12
(8)
Pittsburgh Steelers4-4Rapist>Dog killer
Who would of thunk it?
13
(18)
New Orleans Saints4-4NFC SOUTH!
AMIRITE!
14
(10)
New York Jets4-3I had to double check my notes.
Yup, you lost to the Jacksonville Jackwagons.
15
(15)
Buffalo Bills3-4You stayed at 15. Not bad for a team on their bye week.
16
(16)
Philadelphia Eagles3-4Chip Kelly coaches the fastest bye week I've ever seen!
17
(14)
New York Giants4-4Change your name to gnats.
It fits you better.
18
(22)
Houston Texans3-5GOLL DANRN, AND HOOTY-HOO!
Y'ALL BEAT THE TITANS!
19
19)
Washington Redskins3-4You have too be asking yourselves, "We got the better Gruden, right?
20
(17)
Indianapolis Colts3-5Luck.
Um, not to rain on your parade, but 3 interceptions is not what I would call "luck".
21
(24)
Kansas City Chiefs3-5The Lions are like a fine glass of 25 year old scotch, a hot tub, and a fine cigar.
(unless you're the Bears)
22
(26)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers3-4I REALLY wanted to jump you over the Falcons, but even a degenerate, down on my luck drunk like me has standards.
23
(20)
Miami Dolphins3-4Now you know how the British felt.
24
(28)
Baltimore Ravens2-6Yay! You won a game of fooseball!
25
(25)
Jacksonville Jaguars2-5Jacksonville Jackoffs.
AMIRITE!
26
(21)
Chicago Bears2-5That was the wrong MCL too strain.
27
(23)
Dallas Cowboys2-5Can Dez throw?
No?
You're screwed.
28
(27)
Cleveland Browns2-6GOD! You're infuriating, and I couldn't stand you to begin with.
29
(29)
San Diegoo Chargers2-6Big game Monday night!
It's OK, we all expect you to find an excruciatingly painful way to lose.
30
(30)
San Francisco 49ers2-6More like Kaeperdick.
AMIRITE!
31
(31)
Tennessee Titans1-6Remember the Whisenhunts!
32
(32)
Detroit Lions1-7I've noticed a marked improvement in how quickly you backup when a flag is thrown.