I'm just an average Joe. I live in a shoe box in my parents driveway with two dead hookers. I sprinkle cocaine on my cereal, because coffee just doesn't do it for me. Most days I have mild to moderate diarrhea, and all of my erections last more than four hours.
PROCTOLOGISTICS
A QB got hit in the head.
A dude poked another dude in the eye.
LOL Broncos, Packers, Saints, and Falcons.
There are still three unbeaten teams, but the rest is a mess.
WEEK 8 RESULTS BASED ON RANKING
As you know, each week I make picks for the following week’s games based on my current rankings.
Not a bad week. I managed to go 9-4. I AM A MACHINE! This brings my year too date total to 87-45.
So, here are my week 8 predictions:
| Winner | Loser |
|---|---|
| New York Jets (H) | Buffalo |
| Green Bay (H) | Detroit |
| Tampa Bay (H) | Dallas |
| Carolina | Tennessee (H) |
| Saint Louis (H) | Chicago |
| New Orleans | Washington (H) |
| Philadelphia (h) | Miami |
| Pittsburgh (H) | Cleveland |
| Baltimore (H) | Jacksonville |
| Minnesota | Oakland (H) |
| New England | New York Giants (H) |
| Denver (H) | Kansas City |
| Arizona | Seattle (H) |
| Cincinnati (H) | Houston |
THIS DAY IN HISTORY (October 28)
1885 – George Patton is born.
Plastic soldiers and marbles would never be the same.
1918 – WWI ends.
Apparently, the Germans didn’t learn their lesson.
1921 -Dedication of the tomb of the unknown.
Do you know your FYS vets? Hmm. Perhaps you should find out who they are, and say “Thank you”.
FANTASY FOOTBALL FORUM
Sad day for Deez Nuts. We lost t a close one to 1265 Lombardi Ave, John Wayne Lacy.
Actually, he kicked my ass, but, in my defense, I am resting my players for the playoffs.
Pro tip: Don’t leave 23 points on your bench.
WHO’S HOT
Cincinnati Bengals. Those fuckers play some ball!
WHO’S NOT
Green Bay Packers. They have given up enough yards in he past three weeks for all of the Jews to escape from Dachau. Where were they in 1941?!
YOU SAID IT
Prep – “You can’t have “one in a row”
MIB – Au contraire mon frere
| Prep is a moron. This table has one row and one column. IT IS POSSIBLE! |
rupan – Minnesota above Green Bay? Closing the gap, but no,
MIB – Stick to whatever it is you do, and let me handle the power rankings.
MKE – MIB trolling the Packers hard putting us below Minnesota.
MIB – Yup
Raji – These are worse than CFB rankings,
MIB – You’l be happy to know Oklahoma would be ranked above the Lions.
IT’S TIME TO RANK ‘EM AND SPANK ‘EM
| Rank (Previous) | Team | Record | Comments |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 (1) | New England Patroits | 8-0 | You're like George Washington crossing the Delaware with a boner. |
| 2 (2) | Cincinnati Bengals | 8-0 | You really showed those Browns who's boss! |
| 3 (3) | Carolina Panthers | 8-0 | I like you, but Cam really needs to stop stealing shit. He's starting to look like a douche bag. |
| 4 (4) | Arizona Cardinals | 6-2 | Having a wonderful time, wish you were here. (25 points if you get the reference) |
| 5 (6) | Minnesota Vikings | 6-2 | Your nature is to disappoint your fans at the most crucial moment. I have faith you'll continue that proud tradition, |
| 6 (12) | Pittsburgh Steelers | 5-4 | You're kinda good, but Ben is broke again. |
| 7 (5) | Denver Broncos | 7-1 | I know Cooper Manning has scoliosis, or some such shit, but he might be worth a look see. |
| 8 (7) | Green Bay packers | 6-2 | To the tune of Green Acres: Dom Capers is the man for me Easy offense is the place to be Lanes spreading out so far and wide Keep the Broncos, just give me the Capers ride! |
| 9 (14) | New York Jets | 5-3 | You are an inspiration to all men with small penises. |
| 10 (17) | New York Giants | 5-4 | I'm actually rooting for you to fuck up the Patriots wet dream. |
| 11 (11) | Seattle Seahawks | 4-4 | There are no more byes. YOU WILL BE EXPOSED FOR THE LAME ASSED, SNIVELING FROG DICKS YOU TRULY ARE! |
| 12 (8) | Atlanta Falcons | 6-3 | Matty Ice vs. Blaine Gabbert. No contest. |
| 13 (15) | Buffalo Bills | 4-4 | You ain't pretty You ain't proud First you fuck up Then you loud! |
| 14 (16) | Philadelphia Eagles | 4-4 | You sould run up the Rocky steps and ring the Liberty bell. You'd probably win like 200 superbowls. |
| 15 (9) | Saint Louis Rams | 4-4 | Sorry, dudes. My Bears are going to "ram" (get it) it up your ass. |
| 16 (20) | Indianapolis Colts | 4-5 | I moved you up because you won, but we both know you're fucked without Luck. |
| 17 (10) | Oakland Raiders | 4-4 | The part of me that cares about you is growing. YTIMTBS |
| 18 (18) | Houston Texans | 3-5 | There's a good chance your division will be won by a sub-500 team. Why can't it be your sucky visage of a football team? |
| 19 (13) | New Orleans Saints | 4-5 | 1. Can't afford your declining QB. 2. Coach might leave (or continue to suck 8 million a year from your team) 3. Your defense sucks 4. Your salary cap is fucked (even with the escalating scale) Do you see where this is going? |
| 20 (26) | Chicago Bears | 3-5 | After a short 56 years, the Chicago Bears finally have a new leader for passing touchdowns, He just so happens to be EMO. |
| 21 (21) | Kansas City Chiefs | 3-5 | Please beat Denver. That is all. |
| 22 (19) | Washington Redskins | 3-5 | Grunden's Hinders. |
| 23 (22) | Tampa Bay Buccaneers | 3-5 | I Lovie you. |
| 24 (24) | Baltimore Ravens | 2-6 | See, it's almost impossible to lose on a bye week. |
| 25 (23) | Miami Dolphins | 3-5 | You fucked up your salary cap with Suh, but I'm sure it will pay off. |
| 26 (30) | San Francisco 49ers | 3-6 | Sooo tempted to rank you higher for being the first to bench a quarterback you've already paid. Thank God you had Blaine Gabbert on the bench, Seems like the splinters didn't effect his game. |
| 27 (31) | Tennessee Titans | 2-6 | I know you won, but I really can't think of anything good to say about you. |
| 28 (25) | Jacksonville Jaguars | 2-6 | San Diego has LA locked up. Looks like you get London. |
| 29 (27) | Dallas Cowboys | 2-6 | You need to consider firing Jerry Jones |
| 30 (28) | Cleveland Browns | 2-7 | You are a whole world of fuck. |
| 31 929) | San Diego Chargers | 2-7 | Gerr...derp, we play the foot ball game! Gerr...derp. |
| 32 (32) | Detroit Lions | 1-7 | 1957 Proof positive it's not impossible to lose on a bye week. |