/* Google Analytics Code */ /* Google Analytics Code End*/ /* Hide-Show Comments Code */
Can't Miss Slants

FYS Week One Power Rankings

PROCTOLOGISTICS

A Packers Fan Prayer

May the road rise up to meet you
May the first game kick you squarely in the crack of the ass
May the Packers shit right upon your face
And may John Fox hold you in the palm of his hands

Week one is behind us. There is no arguing the results. Green Bay will OBVIOUSLY win the Superbowl.

NOW, IT’S TIME TO OVERREACT!

Five things in life are sure:
1. Patriots cheat
2. Suh Stomps
3. Pacman is a thug
4. Death
5. Taxes

Week one taught us two things:

1. Any given Sunday

2. Sometimes it hurts to poop.
(OK, well maybe I’m the only one who learned the last lesson.)

Chip Kelly is a moron, not a genius.

 Week Two Results Based On Ranking

HA! last week my rankings went 11-5. I am prepared to be humbled, but here is week two by rankings:

WinnerLoser
DenverKansas City (H)
Carolina (H)Houston
Pittsburgh (H)San Francisco
New Orleans (H)Tampa Bay
Minnesota (H)Detroit
Arizona Chicago (H)
New EnglandBuffalo (H)
Cincinnati (H)San Diego
TennesseeCleveland (H)
AtlantaNew York Giants (H)
Saint LouisWashington (H)
MiamiJacksonville (H)
BaltimoreOakland (H)
DallasPhiladelphia (H)
Green Bay (H)Seattle
Indianapolis (H)New York Jets

THIS DAY IN HISTORY (SEPTEMBER 9)

1493 = Nadsuck’em Suh jumped on the head of Amerigo Vespucci.

1786 – Patrick Henry took a dump and said, “I’m going to take a Lion”.

1921 – (actually, Sept 14 = 20) -The National Football League is formed, Johnny Unitas becomes the career touchdown pass leader and Walter Payton sets the all-time rushing touchdown record.

2014 – Sgunderson said, “Wow, Teddy Bridgewater is a really accurate passer”.

WHO’S HOT

Raji@tindr.com

WHO’S NOT

Wow! so many choices! I’ll pick the Lions, because screw the Lions!

YOU SAID IT

NightStalkerThief – Hatin on the Saints! With all our injuries we might just end up with that rank though…
JJ– Own it. OWN IT. OWN IT!

Nardo – 8-8 is great – What a glorious morning! Found out I got a 10% merit and promotional increase, with my promotion being from a Construction Technical Specialist III to a Project Manager II – I jumped two spots son!
JJ – Huh? HUH? Give me a little credit here! Congratulations on our mutual success!

IT’S TIME TO RANK ‘EM AND SPANK ‘EM

Rank
(Previous)
TeamRecordComments
1
(1)
New England Patriots1-0*SCRRRACTCH
*CLICK CLICK
"You have to love these Patriots. 1st and 10 on the Thirty-five."
*Craaack Pop!
"What in the hell are we listening to?"
-Mike Tomlin
2
(3)
Green Bay Packers1-0Hearts stopped as images of Brandon Bostick flashed before the eyes of Packer fans.
*GASP
*Oh, THANK JESUS!
3
(5)
Denver Broncos1-0"Does Peyton look old to you?"
-Ravens fan
"STFU!"
- Broncos fan and FF owners
4
(6)
Dallas Cowboys1-0I'm guessing Eli got one of your game balls.
If not you suck.
JK, You suck anyway.
5
(10)
Arizona Cardinals1-0YOU'RE GOING DOOWWNN!
-Sorry, Bears fan here.
6
(11)
Cincinnati Bengals1-0I punch you in the head!
I smash you head into yo helmet!
- Pacman Jones
You have no history of violence, we'll give you a fine.
-NFL
7
(13)
Kansas City Chiefs1-0"It's up to us, boys. The Royals are out of it. The city is counting on us!"
- Andy Reid
"Coach, the Royals are still in the playoffs."
- Player
"Hmm, do your best."
- Andy Reid
"Nice talk, coach"
8
(14)
Miami Dolphins1-0"Great play, Suh! Way to play clean!"
-Dolphins
"What a dirty shitbag!"
- Lions fans
9
(2)
Seattle Seahawks0-1Have you thought about the Legion of Broom to clean up your mess with Kam?
10
(4)
Indianapolis Colts0-1I consider myself more "special" than "elite".
- Andrew Luck
11
(7)
Pittsburgh Steelers0-1Wow! You're like steak and potatoes...without the steak.
12
(8)
Baltimore Ravens0-1More like Balti-less.
AMIRITE!
13
(9)
Philadelphia Eagles0-1Chip Kelly road the short bus. Just saying...
14
(15)
San Diego Chargers1-0Yeah! The whales vagina won!
15
(17)
Buffalo Bills1-0GOOD FRICKIN' GOD!
Thanks for giving ESPN an excuse to follow Rex Ryan for the entire season.
YOU PISS ME OFF!
16
(19)
Carolina Panthers1-0Luke Kuechly is bouncing around the locker room like a ping pong ball muttering nonsensical shit.
He says he hopes to be cleared to play for Friday nights game.
17
(21)
St Louis Rams1-0Your defensive line scares me, and I don't even play football anymore.
18
(12)
Minnesota Vikings0-1 Teddy Bridgewater took the air out of Viking fans hopes faster than Tom Brady deflates a football.
19
(16)
Detroit Lions0-1Ways to disappoint fans:

121.
122. One and done in the playoffs - check
123. Get up 21-3 and blow lead - check
20
(18)
Houston Texans0-1JJ Watt couldn't pull this out on his own?
Perhaps you need an offense.
21
(24)
San Francisco 49ers1-0Good job! You really took a switch to the Vikings!
22
(23)
Atlanta Falcons1-0Dan Quinn should be put through concussion protocol for forgetting he had Julio Jones in the second half.
23
(24)
New York Jets1-0Josh McCown is bouncing around the Jets locker room like a ping pong ball muttering nonsensical shit.
He says he hopes to be cleared to play for Friday nights game.
24
(20)
New Orleans Saints0-154 yards rushing?
Things that make you go, "Hmmm".
25
(22)
New York Giants0-1Way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
26
(31)
Tennessee Titans1-0I'm not completely sold on this Macarena guy at quarterback, but I love the dance.
27
(26)
Chicago Bears0-1Bears waive 3rd string quarterback David Fales. Kind of like kicking the dog because your kid spilled his juice on the carpet.
28
(27)
Oakland Raiders0-1Beaten at home by a ginger. How low can you go?
29
(28)
Jacksonville Jaguars0-1Was this your bye week?
Honestly, I wasn't even paying attention.
IT'S YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT!
30
(29)
Cleveland Browns0-1At least you're not Detroit.
31
(30)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers0-1See: Cleveland.
32
(32)
Washington Redskins0-1This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed home,
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none,
and this Little piggy went, "R - G - III", all the way home.