His name is Bobert Paulson. His name is Bobert Paulson. His name is Bobert Paulson.
The Lions consolidated their hold on the NFC North. The Falcons did big boy things, but the Buccaneers, of all teams, remain close behind. The Packers looked good and not bad. The year 2016 has seen a lot of global changes, but Dom Capers has job security forever.
Let’s rank some things.
| RANK | TEAM | HAWT TAEK |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Dallas Cowboys | Maybe Minnesota can be the team to knock them off the pedestal. |
| 2 | New England Patriots | Terrific Tom did enough to beat the Jets without Gronk and with little running help. But they are very reliant offensively on an oft-injured buffoon. |
| 3 | Oakland Raiders | teeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrraiders. |
| 4 | Seattle Seahawks | This team should actually be ranked 7, with the others going upwards accordingly. LOLFYS. |
| 5 | Kansas City Chiefs | Thanks to some questionable decisions by the Broncos, they remain a real contender in the best division in the history of football. |
| 6 | Denver Broncos | Gutsy call meng. I won't penalize them for holding pace and coming up short against what might be the best iteration of the Andy Reid Chiefs. |
| 7 | New York Giants | Beating the Browns isn't the most impressive thing, but its hard to argue with 8-3. |
| 8 | Atlanta Falcons | I actually watched this game. Professional win for a team hoping to contend. |
| 9 | Detroit Lions | The Vikings have had every chance to maintain control of the division, but the Lions are just better than them (and everyone else) down the stretch. |
| 10 | Miami Dolphins | Really sneaking up there as a wild card favorite, assuming someone in the AFCW (the Broncos) falls off. |
| 11 | Washington Redskins | Gave the top dog a real run. |
| 12 | Baltimore Ravens | Smaht. |
| 13 | Houston Texans | On the verge of the top five a few short weeks ago. Losing at home to a bottom dweller will do that. |
| 14 | Pittsburgh Steelers | I can't quite conclude if they are living on reputation, or a team on the verge of being pretty good. In any event, nice job smoking Luckless Indy. |
| 15 | Tampa Bay Buccaneers | I think Mike Evans might have dominated the Seahawks defensive backs in a more physical manner than any wide receiver I can remember. |
| 16 | Buffalo Bills | Hanging around in the playoff picture, but its tough in the AFC. |
| 17 | Minnesota Vikings | I am officially able to admit that they are bad and not good. |
| 18 | New Orleans Saints | Hey, beat the Lions. Ok? Ok. |
| 19 | Tennessee Titans | Almost had a hiccup against Chicago, but the latter dropped the ball. |
| 20 | Indianapolis Colts | Kinda gonna need the QB back. |
| 21 | Green Bay Packers | Hey! They looked good and not bad! |
| 22 | San Diego Chargers | Nice win and stuff. |
| 23 | Arizona Cardinals | Sloppy team is sloppy. |
| 24 | Philadelphia Eagles | Suffering your first home loss of the season and putting up 13 on the formerly hapless Pack is a low point. |
| 25 | Carolina Panthers | Remember 2015? Good times. |
| 26 | Cincinnati Bengals | Not good and bad. |
| 27 | Los Angeles Rams | You sure you don't want to send them back, Hollywood? |
| 28 | New York Jets | Gave the Pats a run for their money, but played little brother as always. |
| 29 | Chicago Bears | Hey, you showed some pluck. Way to climb out of the 30s. |
| 30 | Jacksonville Jaguars | Bizarre and ugly and incomprehensible, even for Florida. |
| 31 | San Fransisco 49ers | ¡Viva la Revolución! |
| 32 | Cleveland Browns | 0-16! 0-16! 0-16! |
| ∞ | Fidel Castro | ded. |