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Can't Miss Slants

Power Rankings: Week 7

Falcons got jobbed

Packers slob knob

Panthers are shite

Bears fans can’t fite

Bucs slip while at rest

Vikes remain the best

The Saints marched on in

and the LOLoins won again.

 

Wait, that ending feels wrong.  Oh well.  RANKINGS

RANK  
1Minnesota VikingsGood job, nice effort.
2New England PatriotsThey are so consistently good its boring.
3Atlanta FalconsI know they just lost to Seattle, but it was a hell of an effort on the road, the the missed PI really did matter.
4Seattle SeahawksThey've been slowly climbing the rankings and have a strong argument for top three. Some things never change.
5Dallas CowboysHey everyone, I think we have to admit that Jerry Jones had both a smart plan (build from the line) and a great 2016 draft.
6Buffalo BillsFour straight wins with a lowest margin of victory of 11.
7Pittsburgh SteelersBen will be back.
8Oakland RaidersA bad home loss could send a young team tumbling.
9Denver BroncosNearly out of the top ten after a terrific start, but at least they can take solace in the fact that Thursday night games are often weird.
10Houston TexansIt seems they will stay on top of a really bad division.
11Green Bay PackersThey are still 3-2, but after that shellacking, and another poor Aaron Rodgers performance, they need a R-E-L-A-X moment soon.
12Washington RedskinsHow did the NFL East end up looking pretty strong?
13Philadelphia EaglesBack to back losses temper a fast start.
14Kansas City Chiefs Andy Reid likes coming off the bye almost as much as a good tusk battle for a cow.
15Arizona CardinalsIt appears like Arizona may have a say in the playoff race after all, but I still want to see them beat a good team.
16Detroit LionsDetroit has fought their way into the top half of the league with two straight wins. *pukes*
17Tennessee TitansSeriously, doing these ranking really hones one in on the fact that the league is pretty awful this season.
18New York GiantsI mean, my god, the Giants in the top 20?
19Baltimore RavensCue Tom Petty.
20Cincinnati BengalsLike the Cardinals, it has been difficult to give up on a team that is perennially solid. But the record speaks for itself. The schedule remains relatively difficult.
21Los Angeles RamsI want this team to be good, but they just are not.
22San Diego ChargersThe lovable losers won!
23Miami DolphinsWith a win over Ben-less Pittsburgh, Miami moves all the way to 23!
24Indianapolis ColtsLuck had been playing sneakily decent (by the numbers), but could get nothing going against Houston.
25Tampa Bay Buccaneers I'm going to be honest and admit I just sorta forgot to rank these guys appropriately up around 20.
26New Orleans SaintsGot some teeth left after all.
27Carolina PanthersThe league's newest doormat!
28Jacksonville JaguarsBeating the Bears does nothing for me. Anyone can do that. *starts chewing fingernails*
29New York JetsI think its safe to remove the "darling" tag from this dumpster fire.
30San Fransisco 49ers So, Kaepernick then?
31Chicago BearsNot the worst! Again!
32Cleveland BrownsI guess the LeBron/Indians magic just is not rubbing off.