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Can't Miss Slants

Scooped: August 26, 2015

Welcome back for Round 2 of scooped. It’s time for some Boats N’ Hoes.

Detroit Lions

Dr. Robert Doback: When I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world, I made my arms short and I roamed the back yard, I chased the neighborhood cats, I growled and I roared, everybody knew me and was afraid of me, and one day my dad said “Bobby you are 17, it’s time to throw childish things aside” and I said “OK Pop”, but he didn’t really say that he said “Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job”.

Mike Williams got a new job because he’s playing for the Patriots. The Lions made a trade on Tuesday night shipping converted offensive tackle Michael Williams to New England for a 7th round pick in a future year. Williams was a 7th round pick from Alabama in the 2013 draft by Detroit. Williams converted from Tight End to Offensive tackle in the 2014 season. Detroit must be confident tackle LaAdrian Waddle is healthy. Williams had a good camp as he developed into the 4th tackle role. Rookie 7th round pick Corey Robinson will be the Lions 4th tackle after this move.

Chicago Bears

Dale Doback: Why are you so sweaty?

Brennan Huff: I was watching Cops.

The Bears defensive tackle Jay Ratliff was extra sweaty in 2013. Ratliff received a DWI while with the Dallas Cowboys and has finally been suspended by the league for three games. This is a pretty big blow for the Bears facing the Packers, Seattle and Arizona without Ratliff.

Green Bay Packers

Brennan Huff: Hey Jordy, you know what’s good for ACL tears?

Jordy Nelson: What?

Brennan Huff: If you lick my butt hole.

The ACL tear for Jordy Nelson was confirmed. The Davante Adams era has begun in Green Bay. Rodgers had a 92 QB rating to Adams in 2014. We’ll see if that improves in year 2 of Adams career facing top corners. It will take more production from Adams, Richard Rodgers, Lacy and Cobb. Jordy was quick to get open so this may affect the offensive line if there is less separation and Rodgers needs to hold the ball longer. The deep play threat removed shrinks the field and allows the focus to be on Cobb and Lacy. It should be an interesting test for Green Bay’s offense in 2015. God is testing Jordy and the Packers per Glover Quin. Will they pass?

Sing this song Jordy. It will be all better.

Minnesota Vikings

Brennan Huff: I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.

Nancy Huff: You don’t know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.

Brennan Huff: It was Johnny Hopkins, and Sloan Kettering, and they were blazin that shit up everyday.

Teddy Bridgewater must be blazing something. Bridgewater wants to have a 70% completion percentage rate in 2015. Only 5 QBs have ever accomplished this feat in the history of the league. Drew Brees is the only current QB that has hit the 70% threshold in a season. Good luck Ted.

http://espn.go.com/blog/minnesota-vikings/post/_/id/14989/gerald-hodges-will-start-at-middle-linebacker-on-saturday

Gerald Hodges may be the new Vikings middle linebacker. Hodges has been impressive at Will and SAM and is making the move inside. Hodges is a very strong tackler with deceptive speed. Second round pick from 2015, Eric Kendricks, will enter the game at middle linebacker in nickel packages. It’s a good move by the Vikings to get the best players on the field that plays to their strengths. Audie Cole relegated to a backup role and Chad Greenway will be the starting weakside linebacker.