Super Bowl Halftime Review: Maroon 5 Sings, Dances, Fails to Connect

Minnesota Vikings
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His name is Bobert Paulson. His name is Bobert Paulson. His name is Bobert Paulson.

The 2019 Super Bowl has come and gone.  Congratulations to Patriots fans. You guys deserved another win!

At halftime, Maroon 5 led a concert that also featured an Travis Scott and Spongebob’s Bikini Bottom Super Band, and Big Boi.  Let’s start with the positive, shall we?  First, though Mr. Scott performed just one song, he did so with wonderful energy and in the spirit of what I imagine Atlanta, a city I have never been to, to be like based on its eponymous television program.  I wasn’t familiar with “Sicko Mode,” but will be looking it up on today.  Mr. Scott, congratulations: you won the half time show.

Sadly, other than Mr. Scott the only performance of note was the hymnal stylings offered by an all-women gospel group, unnamed in any official announcements, and thus unable to receive my praise.  Nevertheless, well done ladies!

Finally, I suppose we must congratulate Maroon 5’s Adam Levine on keeping himself in terrific shape, and knowing just how to sway his body in a way that will cause women aged 35-62 to swoon.  Truly, fitness is the key to happiness, and you, Mr. Levine, appear to be enjoying yourself.

Sadly, none of Mr. Levine’s vitality can be sensed in the music of his band or his own vocal performance.  Maroon 5 played their songs, and they seemingly played them well.  Unfortunately for all of the Super Bowl’s viewers, while those songs make for fine radio drivel, they lack any punch and give band members little opportunity to really rile up a crowd.  Maroon 5, aside from Mr. Levine, are apparently well aware of this, as none went out of their way to add spice (or anything interesting) to the show.  I guess we are left to marvel at Mr. Levine’s wondrously round nipples for lack of anything more interesting to consider.

That leaves Big Boi, a local legend and one half of the super group Outkast.  By the time he made his appearance late in the halftime show, you could sense the crowd was hungry for anything of note to happen onstage.  Unfortunately, Big Boi’s better days appear to have gone by.  While I am happy he still knows how to make an entrance, I would have been more thrilled if he could have offered half the energy shown by Mr. Scott.

All in all, the show was not a total disaster, as at least Mr. Levine did not utterly fail vocally, as has happened in the past.  But this writer is left waiting for 2020, and hoping that the NFL taps local Miami talent for a more rousing affair.