The Not-As-Good-As-MiB Power Rankings™ are now available. Read them at you leisure and then come clown LKP in the comments.
| Rank | Movement | Record | Team | Comment |
|---|---|---|---|---|
1  | Up 1 | 6-1 | Philadelphia Eagles | Back to the top |
| 2 | Up 1 | 6-1 | Kansas City Chiefs | You'll never be #1 as long as you're banging Taylor Swift |
| 3 | Up 4 | 4-2 | Seattle Seahawks | Have I said, "Fuck Pete Carroll"? |
| 4 | Up 5 | 4-2 | Dallas Cowboys | You moved up because I had no choice |
| 5 | Up 5 | 4-3 | Atlanta Falcons | Keep working on that draft pick |
6  | Down 1 | 5-2 | Miami Dolphins | No shame in losing to #1, eh? |
| 7 | Down 6 | 5-2 | Detroit Lions | No #1 spot for you! |
| 8 | Up 3 | 4-2 | Pittsburgh Steelers | I don't think I've seen them play this season |
| 9 | Up 3 | 5-2 | Jacksonville Jaguars | Look at you winning and shit |
| 10 | Down 3 | 3-3 | Tampa Bay Bucs | You're too high, but everyone else sucks |
| 11 | Up 3 | 5-2 | Baltimore Ravens | Probably should be higher, but I don't like you |
| 12 | Up 10 | 4-2 | Cleveland Browns | Big mover of the week |
| 13 | Down 11 | 5-2 | San Francisco 49ers | HAHAHAHAHA |
| 14 | Down 6 | 4-3 | Buffalo Bills | Really wanted to drop you further, but see Tampa Bay |
| 15 | Up 15 | 3-4 | Minnesota Vikings | Bigger mover of the week |
| 16 | Up 12 | 3-3 | Houston Texans | Move up 13 spots on your bye? Not too shabby. |
| 17 | Down 2 | 2-4 | Los Angeles Chargers | I'm just phoniing it in now |
| 18 | Up 7 | 2-5 | New Engand Patriots | You beat a good team, so I'll move you to here |
| 19 | Down 2 | 3-4 | Indianapolis Colts | I mean you lost. I had to move you down. |
| 20 | Up 9 | 2-5 | Denver Broncos | Sean Payton > MLF |
| 21 | Down 5 | 2-4 | Green Bay Packers | Extend Jordan Love NOW! |
| 22 | Down 9 | 3-4 | New Orleans Saints | God, our coaching staff sucks. |
| 23 | Up 1 | 2-5 | Chicago Bears | Whatever, they won |
| 24 | Down 5 | 3-3 | New York Jets | Some teams move up on their bye, but not you. |
| 25 | Down 5 | 3-3 | Cincinnati Bengals | See the Jets |
26  | Push | 2-5 | New York Giants | *shrugs shoulders* |
| 27 | Down 9 | 3-4 | Los Angeles Rams | Stafford still sucks |
| 28 | Down 5 | 2-4 | Tennessee Titans | Maybe play a game next week |
| 29 | Down 2 | 1-6 | Arizona Cardinals | Member when Nipples said not to draft Kyler Murray? |
| 30 | Down 9 | 3-4 | Las Vegas Raiders | You lost to the Bears. I'd put you lower if I could |
| 31 | Push | 3-4 | Washington Commanders | I just don't care enough to really rank you |
| 32 | Push | 0-6 | Carolina Panthers | You look comfortable here |
I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi where I learned the three rules of life: Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.