It me. Here’s the NFC North 2019 Mock Draft. This is future fact folks. Don’t mock me if it’s wrong.
Detroit Lions
Time for Quinn magic or a broken LKP tv.
| Round | Pick | Player | Position | Comments |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 8 | Clein Ferrell | DE | Stud DE for the left side. Hall of famer unless he goes to a different team |
| 2 | 43 | Deebo Samuel | WR | Slot city bitch slot slot city bitch. Deeeee boooooo |
| 3 | 88 | Connor McGovern | OG/C | Stud guard starter from Penn State with versatility |
| 4 | 111 | Isiah Johnson | CB | Depth at DB. Johnson ha |
| 5 | 146 | Clayton Thorson | QB | Woude will hate this guy now. As good as Northwestern can offer |
| 6 | 184 | Wyatt Ray | EDGE | BC guy reunited with Pasqualoni. Like a ray of sunshine off the edge |
| 6 | 204 | Cameron Smith | LB | USC guy. Depth. His name is not funny at all |
| 7 | 224 | Jamal Peters | CB | Ha, Peters |
| 7 | 229 | Byron Cowart | DL | Won’t be a Cowart anymore, will roar like a Lion |
Chicago Bears
They don’t have a 1st and 2nd round pick folks. Call NFL Network and ask who they should take.
| Round | Pick | Player | Position | Comments |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 3 | 87 | Amani Hooker | S | Bears fans love hookers and Dix is clearly not the answer. |
| 4 | 126 | TJ Edward | OLB | Good Wisconsin guy for Packer fans to hate. |
| 5 | 162 | Gary Jennings | WR | Another G Jennings to take his talents to Minnesota soon |
| 7 | 222 | Terry Godwin | WR | God always wins |
| 7 | 238 | Kevin Givens | DL | Undersized stud from Penn State. Given to the Bears |
Green Bay Packers
Gutekunst will do more fleecing than the Ba Ba Black Sheep nursery rhyme. Stupid Saints not caring about the future after Brees.
| Round | Pick | Player | Position | Comments |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 12 | Jonah Williams | OT | His name was Jonah, holding the D-ends- Weezer |
| 1 | 30 | Marquise Brown | WR | Some people call me the space cowboy, some call me Marquiiiisee |
| 2 | 44 | Juan Thornhill | S | Takes Juan to know Juan |
| 3 | 75 | LJ Collier | DL | Almost LL Cool J |
| 4 | 114 | Kris Boyd | CB | Avoid the Boyd if he becomes a good corner |
| 4 | 118 | Foster Moreau | TE | Foster the Moreau is almost a band. Or Island of Foster Moreau. That’s better |
| 5 | 150 | Drew Sample | TE | Sampling all the tight ends. |
| 6 | 185 | LJ Scott | RB | GREAT SCOTT |
| 6 | 194 | Shareef Miller | EDGE | Super stud from Penn State who left a year too early. New Shareef in town |
| 7 | 226 | Malik Gant | S | He Gant make the roster |
Minnesota Vikings
Ricky Spielman adding to their embarrassment of riches.
| Round | Pick | Player | Position | Comments |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 18 | Garrett Bradbury | OG/C | Shooter special to the Vikings. No not a finger |
| 2 | 50 | Hakeem Butler | WR | Another bust big WR for them early. Hakeem the dream more like nightmare |
| 3 | 81 | Vosean Joseph | LB | It’s not about size. It’s the vosean of the ocean |
| 4 | 121 | Austin Bryant | EDGE | This is Austin- Blake Shelton |
| 6 | 192 | Ben Burr Kiven | LB | Ben Hurr or Aaron Burr was his kiven names |
| 6 | 211 | Jalin Moore | RB | They need Moore running back help |
| 7 | 247 | Gardner Minshew | QB | He can handle Cousins bush |
| 7 | 250 | Chidi Okeke | OL | Chidi Okeke Mulaka Bukkake. Sorry I passed out for a second. |
The Draft is 8 PM ET tonight in Nashville on ABC, NFL Network and ESPN and probably ESPN The Ocho. Can’t wait to see who stays in the green room and gets pissed off and kills the Lions for years because of it. Some will laugh, some will cry, there will be trades to nullify this mock draft. Bears will trade up and give up 30 picks for a QB. But one thing is for sure, Mel Kiper will have great hair.
My dream is Ed Oliver or Josh Allen to the Lions or a trade down. Dreams will be shattered with TJ Hockensen probably. I’ll take Ferrell though or Taylor or Sweat or even Hockensen. Hell, I’ll love whoever the Lions pick. This article is over now. Bitch… Bye