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Can't Miss Slants

End of An Era and Season

Well that was a crazy weekend. The Championship games are in the books with the Super Bowl set. The Detroit Lions are starting a completely new era and some old faces got new gigs. The future is a great mystery for all the NFC North teams. Let’s take a look at what the hell happened with some sweet melts and Boombayas.

Chiefs Cruise: Maholmes Rate Activated

Chiefs crushed the overrated Bills in the AFC Championship game at Arrowhead. Patty Maholmes, Travis Kelce and Tyreek Hill were monsters per usual. Josh Allen ran well but the Bills couldn’t keep up scoring with the Chiefs. Kansas City looks to become the first back to back champion since the 2003/2004 Patriots and Andy Reid’s punt/pass/kick competition. Great Googily Mooglily!

Bucs Whoop Dat Packer Ass

Despite three (3) picks from Tom Brady, the Buccaneers beat the Packers 31-26 in a very good game at Lambeau Field for the NFC Championship. Brady was red hot in the first half with two touchdowns and scored a big TD right before half time (burnt toast Kevin King). Lenny Fournette also had a spin move riddled TD somehow. Tampa led 21-10 at half then got a huge fumble on a crushing hit on Aaron Jones (did not return) by former Packer Jermaine Whitehead to start the 3rd. The short field gave the Brady the easy third TD pass and it looked like a rout at 28-10 for Tompa Bay.

Green Bay would not quit though as Aaron Rodgers marched them back with 13 straight points (missed 2-point conversion on Suh tip/St Brown drop) to 28-23. Brady was picked 3 times to Rodgers 1 in this game. Tampa Bay got one more score with a big field goal for 31-23 lead mid 4th.

Green Bay was able to march down the field late but stalled in the red zone for second time on the day. LeFleur elected to go for the FG and use the 3 timeouts and two minute warnings with a stop. That plan was Lefucked when the refs called a nice ticky tack defensive penalty on Green Bay to give the Bucs a crucial first down to seal the game. Guess he used advance math for this.

Golden boi Aaron Rodgers was kind of questioning his future after the game but LeFleur wants the MVP back for 2021. Looks like Brady is the GOAT despite a 73 QB rating to Rodgers 101 on the day. Bucs win Bucs win woooooaaahhhhh Bucs win.

Tampa Bay, Brady, Ndmakong Suh, Antonio Brown, Gronk, Bruce Arians are all going to the Super Bowl. DC Todd Super Bowl Bowles will be there too. Rodgers now 1-4 in NFC Champ games. That stings a bit I bet.

End of an Era

John Matthew Stafford has finally requested a trade from the Detroit Lions after 12 marvelous breathtaking seasons. The man is sick of losing and another regime change in the works. He requested the trade prior to the hiring of new GM Brad Holmes or Head Coach Dan Campbell. The Lions will mercifully trade him and hope to get at least one first round pick for him (hopefully more).

Matt Stafford is the best Lions QB of all time and is incredibly underrated across the league due to lack of team success. The man has good numbers/game tape and if playoff wins come in the next five or more seasons then he could be a hall of famer (top 7 TDs, top 5 yardage, comebacks galore, tough as nails). A good (or mediocre) team missing a QB will surely benefit from his services (Colts, Patriots, Steelers, Dallas, WFT, Rams etc).

It will be very sad not to see him in a Lions uniform or win enough in a Lions uniform in the playoffs; but I will always root for my QB. He did so much for the city of Detroit and should finally get the defense and run game he deserves to win meaningful football games in December and January with his good QB play.

Lions are in a full rebuild folks with a knee biting head coach who loves to get punched in the face and smile.

Detroit hired former Chiefs/Brown GM John Dorsey to help new GM Brad Holmes. Dan Campbell is the new head coach. New OC for the Lions arrives in former Chargers coach Anthony Lynn (Parcell connections). The new DC Aaron Glenn (Parcell connections) joining Campbell (Parcell/Payton) coming from the Saints with Campbell. Lynn and Glenn (cough Bears cough) had other offers but chose to work with Campbell. Ray Agnew will be assistant GM and was Rams pro personnel guru. The Lions have assembled quite a team for this rebuild using Chris Spielman and hope to get extra draft capital for Stafford.

I’ll miss you Stafford. It was a pleasure boldly and blindly and sometimes delusionally singing your praises for 12 years and showing people the TRU reason the Lions lose (100% not because of Stafford).

Come to Washington with new and former Lions GM Martin Mayhew. Maybe I’ll rekindle my passion for my former Washington team and get season tickets.

Hope you win MVP and Super Bowl Mr. Stafford wherever you end up. Kudos to the Lions for not forcing him to stay and hopefully they get a good enough offer to let him leave peacefully with 2 years remaining on his deal. Trade will save 14 million in cap space for the Lions. Sad but it was time. End of an era folks. LKP has the sads.