FYS Week 13 NFL Power Rankings

MIBearFan

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I'm just an average Joe. I live in a shoe box in my parents driveway with two dead hookers. I sprinkle cocaine on my cereal, because coffee just doesn't do it for me. Most days I have mild to moderate diarrhea, and all of my erections last more than four hours.

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PROCTOLOGISTICS

Holy crap! The season is three quarters of the way over. It’s crunch time. December football is where we separate the men from the boys, or as they say in England, a normal evening.

This week, the teams ranked 29-31 (and not just in my rankings), all won last weekend. It’s officially silly season. Teams with noting to win, also have nothing to lose. Teams with everything on the line, are battling trough injuries and feeling the pressure to make the playoffs.

A lot of people have been saying this has been a shit year in the NFL, but I disagree. Many of the games have been ugly, the number of egregious errors by referees is off the charts, but maybe this is what parity in the NFL looks like. After twelve games, the only team mathematically eliminated from the playoffs is the Cleveland Browns. Granted, it may take a miracle for a few of the teams to make it, but it is still possible.

So, grab your comfy slippers, your favorite beverage, and melt into your lucky chair. Enjoy the final four weeks of the regular season with me, you’re guru and bestest friend.

ADDENDUM

The Charge of the Light Brigade

Alfred, Lord Tennyson

1. Half a league, half a league, Half a league onward, All in the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. “Forward, the Light Brigade! “Charge for the guns!” he said: Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. 2. “Forward, the Light Brigade!” Was there a man dismay’d? Not tho’ the soldier knew Someone had blunder’d: Theirs not to make reply, Theirs not to reason why, Theirs but to do and die: Into the valley of Death Rode the six hundred. 3. Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon in front of them Volley’d and thunder’d; Storm’d at with shot and shell, Boldly they rode and well, Into the jaws of Death, Into the mouth of Hell Rode the six hundred. 4. Flash’d all their sabres bare, Flash’d as they turn’d in air, Sabring the gunners there, Charging an army, while All the world wonder’d: Plunged in the battery-smoke Right thro’ the line they broke; Cossack and Russian Reel’d from the sabre stroke Shatter’d and sunder’d. Then they rode back, but not Not the six hundred. 5. Cannon to right of them, Cannon to left of them, Cannon behind them Volley’d and thunder’d; Storm’d at with shot and shell, While horse and hero fell, They that had fought so well Came thro’ the jaws of Death Back from the mouth of Hell, All that was left of them, Left of six hundred. 6. When can their glory fade? O the wild charge they made! All the world wondered. Honor the charge they made, Honor the Light Brigade, Noble six hundred.

WEEK 14 RESULTS BASED ON RANKING

I took it up the pooper this week. I guess that will happen when the teams ranked 29-31 all win. At any rate, I went 7-9 on the week, and my Year to date record is now 116-76.

So, here are my week 14 predictions:

THIS DAY IN HISTORY (November 25)

1854 – “The charge of the Light Brigade” is published by Alfred Lord Tennyson.
Read it. It will make you a better person.

1942 – Bears great, and Hall Of Fame linebacker, Dick Butkus was born.
And, you thought Suh was dirty.

1965 – “A Charlie Brown Christmas” premiered.
This must be Robbie Gould’s favorite movie of all time.

FANTASY FOOTBALL FORUM

Team Deez Nuts lost a close game this week, but I still took first place in my division, and I will be taking on Chris Carter’s Fall Guys (AKA, MKE) in round one of the playoffs,

Pro Tip: Don’t draft players from your rival team. I t will drive you nuts.

WHO’S HOT

The Kansas City Chiefs ave now won six in a row, including three away games within their division.

WHO’S NOT

The New England Patriots. Losers of two straight, and there isn’t a fan from another team who gives a single fuck.

YOU SAID IT

natesweet – I made it before the poop arrives.

MIB – No, actually, you came right after the poop.

MKE – Lions should be ahead of Chicago.

MIB – Did you mean, “Give head to Chicago”?

AllSaintsRow – MIBs rankings are the only articles I read.

MIB – It’s my honor to have as a fan, the only person who can read South of the Mason Dixon Line.

IT’S TIME TO RANK ‘EM AND SPANK ‘EM