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Can't Miss Slants

FYS Week 6 Power Rankings

Proctologistics

First of all, I would like to thank Andy Froehle, for stepping up in my absence. Secondly, I would like to apologize to my loyal followers, for turning over my precious jewel to a non-qualified, overreacting, pompous, self righteous, son of a bitch.

My first order of business, will be to put the Bills and Ravens back in the proper spot in the pecking order. Da fuq was Andy thinking?

I don’t know about you, but the NFL season is crazy. It’s like going through my closet and trying to choose between the fleshlight, and a blowup doll. Then you have to decide whether to grab one of your magazines, or peek at old Mrs. McGillicuddy through the high powered telescope. And after all of that, the end result is, all too often, disappointing.

Ah well, there is always next week.

Who’s Hot

The Dallas Cowboys. I just threw up a ‘lil.

Who’s Not

In an effort to avoid the obvious, I’m going to go with the Green Bay Packers. Those idiots lost the lead TWICE, and then had to rely on a miracle from Aaron Rodgers to win the game.

You Said It

LKP – Thinking about Schwartz getting carried off still pisses me off.

JJ – It gives me great joy to remind you of this.

MKE – Holy overreaction on the Bills, Batman!

JJ – Giants shouldn’t be allowed to do power rankings.

Time to Rank ’em and Spank ’em

Rank
(Previous)
TeamRecordComments
1
(1)
Denver Broncos4-1These rankings are top heavy with QBs who like to choke in crunch time.
2
(2)
Arizona Cardinals4-1Even a rusty Palmer (Not to be confused with a Rusty Palmer) is an improvement.
3
(3)
San Diego Chargers5-1Philip Rivers is the GOAT early in the season, before anything is on the line, prior to the elimination rounds...
4
(6)
Dallas Cowboys5-1I guess it's time I show Jerry Jones and his red headed sock puppet some respect.
5
(7)
Philadelphia Eagles5-1I'm tempted to drop you for having a classless fan base.
6
(5)
Cincinnati Bengals3-1-1Remind your kicker he has one job, but not too harshly. They are sensitive little pricks.
7
(8)
San Francisco 49ers4-2Looks like Colin woke up from his Kaepernap.
8
(14)
Baltimore Ravens4-2Flacco is definitely elite...
against the Bucs.
9
(16)
Indianapolis Colts4-2You looked like you were on speed in the first quarter, and crack the rest of the game.
10
(10)
Detroit Lions4-2Your offense has a high ankle sprain.
11
(11)
Green Bay Packers4-2Let's all say it together:
"THANK YOU AARON!"
12
(15)
New England Patriots4-2It appears the rumors of your demise have been greatly exaggerated.
13
(4)
Seattle Seahawks3-2Blame it on the 12th man.
14
(17)
Carolina Panthers3-2-1Congratulations, the NFL still allows ties. You may now kiss your sister.
15
(9)
Houston Texans3-3J J Watt is really good. The rest of your team is poop.
16
(18
Chicago Bears3-3Bears new motto:
We're schizophrenic, and we are too!
17
(20)
Cleveland Browns3-24H - Health, Heart, Hoyer, and Herpes.
18
(12)
Buffalo Bills3-3Who in the hell moved you up in the rankings last week?
19
(19)
Pittsburgh Steelers3-3Old and sucky is no way to go through life, son.
20
(21)
Miami Dolphins2-3YOU HAD THEM, AND YOU LET THEM OFF THE HOOK!
21
(13)
New York Giants3-3At least now, you can play the injury card.
22
(23)
Kansas City Chiefs2-3You get a bye and lose ground to your division. Makes sense.
23
(24)
New Orleans Saints2-3The bye week was kind to you.
24
(22)
Atlanta Falcons2-4This weeks point of emphasis will be CATCHING THE FREAKIN' BALL!
25
(28)
Tennessee Titans2-4Something doesn't feel right about moving you up three spots, for beating the Jaguars by two points.
26
(25)
Minnesota Vikings2-4WE'RE A GOOD TEAM!
It's the rookie QBs fault.
27
(26)
Tampa Bay Buccaneers1-5Betcha Lovie is wishing he drafted a couple defensive players.
28
(27)
Saint Louis Rams1-4What in the hell happened to your defensive line?
29
(29)
Washington Redskins1-5On the bright side, you were one point from leading the game in the first half.
30
(30)
New York Jets1-5Geno Vick=Michael Smith
Same difference.
31
(31)
Oakland Raiders0-5Great job putting up 28 points in a losing effort.
32
(32)
Jacksonville Jaguars0-6Your suckage factor is off the charts.