FYS Week 8 NFL Power Rankings

Opinion Power Rankings Uncategorized
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I'm just an average Joe. I live in a shoe box in my parents driveway with two dead hookers. I sprinkle cocaine on my cereal, because coffee just doesn't do it for me. Most days I have mild to moderate diarrhea, and all of my erections last more than four hours.


Big Deal – Buddy the Dog is to haircuts as MIB is to power rankings.

MIB – I’ll let the readers decide.

Happy Halloween!

Looks like it kicked off early with Robert Mueller handing out indictments like candy on Monday.

I see your all going dressed up as retarded pedophiles.

Me, I’ll be handing out candy, reeking of alcohol, and making parents terribly uncomfortable…just like last year.

Another week, and another chance for the NFL to confuse fans on exactly what constitutes a catch. I personally think the best solution would be just to have the receiver exit the game after a touchdown and keep a camera trained on them until the final second ticks off the clock, or, in a case like Zach Miller, until they wake up from surgery.

Something needs to give. There’s nothing worse than watching officials deciding games based on an obviously flawed rule.

Oh, and whatever you decide, you’d better do it quick. Donny and I would hate to miss the Trump impeachment hearings.


1861 – Citing failing health, General Winfield Scott, commander of the Union forces, retires from service. He weighed over 300 pounds, suffered from gout and rheumatism, and was unable to mount a horse. Oddly enough, he was still able to mount your mother.

1926 – Harry Houdini, the most celebrated magician and escape artist of the 20th century, dies of peritonitis in a Detroit hospital. Rumor is his last words were, “At least I didn’t play for the Lions.”

1950 – 21-year-old Earl Lloyd becomes the first African-American to play in an NBA game when he takes the court in the season opener for the Washington Capitols. This was simply because, up until that point, whites were just better at basketball than blacks. This had nothing to do with racism.


THE Philadelphia eagles are on a 6 game winning streak. The fans are enjoying this more than dropping a warm cheese steak in their lap.


The 49ers and the Browns are battling for the #1 overall pick in next years draft, and the funny thing is, the Browns suck so bad, they will get it if both teams end up 0-16.


Sgunderson17 – Sometimes I wonder about the scientific evidence behind evolution. And then I see MIB’s rankings and it completely reaffirms how things can completely miss a rung on the evolutionary ladder.

MIB – Sure, I can see how it might make you feel better about yourself to take a shot at me, but maybe you should look in the mirror, Mr. Buttface Penishead!

Cheaky Bastard – Vikings too high

MIB – Poor, dear Ethan, you were our one last shot at a rational Lions fan. RIPIP, mah man.


1W6Philadelphia Eagles7-1Way too early, but it's kind of fun to imagine the Eagles meeting up with Andy Reid and the Chiefs in the Superbowl.
2W3Pittsburgh Steelers6-2It must be fun to witness what a dumpster fire the Lions are first hand.
3W4Minnesota Vikings6-2I bangered and mashed your mothers while you were in London.
4W4New England Patriots6-2You literally have no backup for Tom Brady, and Belichick literally gives zero fucks.
Los Angles Rams5-2Hope you enjoyed your bye week. Should get a second bye with the Giants coming up.
6W1Kansas City Chiefs6-2Nice win. Looking forward to next week when the Kansas City Queefs take on the Phallus Cowboys.
7W5New Orleans Saints5-2If it weren't for the refs and the wind and the flukes, you jerks would have lost to the Bears.
8W2Buffalo Bills5-2I don't trust you. You're the Detroit Lions of the AFCE.
9W4Seattle Seahawks5-2Another god damned team that wins just to piss me off.
10W1Atlanta Falcons4-3Last year you're in the Superbowl, and this year you're looking up the Saints and the Panthers dresses at the eighth grade dance.
Tennessee Titans4-3The bye is almost like a third win for you. Time to get back out there and suck.
Jacksonville Jaguars4-3I know your division sucks, but you have a chance to win it this year. Don't fuck it up.
13W2Dallas Cowboys4-3Jerry Jones just played the Ray Rice card. Classy.
14W1Carolina Panthers5-3You know it's a good week when Cam Newton doesn't storm out of a press conference like a whiny little bitch.
15W1Baltimore Ravens4-4You should consider using Matt Moore more often.
16L1Miami Dolphins4-3You should consider using Matt Moore less often.
17W1Cincinnati Bengals3-4Squeaking past the Colts isn't exactly righting the ship, but hey, whatever.
18L2Washington Redskins3-4You might want to stress the importance of winning games within your division. Mkay?
19L1Houston Texans3-4I guess that's what happens when the inmates don't play defense.
Green Bay packers4-3Looking forward to week two of "Are the Packers Just the Browns Without Aaron Rodgers".
21L1Los Angles Chargers3-5Think of it as being the second best team in California. That sounds better than the shittiest team in Los Angles.
22L1Chicago Bears3-5RIPIP Zach Miller.
You got robbed, son.
23L1Oakland Raiders3-5I was always told California Carrs don't have rust.
24L3Denver Broncos3-4You've become really good at sucking.
25L3Detroit Lions3-4The Lions spent $21, 770 per Matt Prater field goal on Sunday. Still quite a bargain when you consider it cost them $1,031,250 to have Mathew Stafford put up exactly zero points.
Arizona Cardinals3-4I hope you took time out during your bye to think about what you're doing to you asshat fans.
27L3New York Jets3-5You're deep fried shit on a stick.
28L4Tampa Bay Bucanneers2-5If you guys lose five in a row, I promise to move you past the Colts.
29L3Indianapolis Colts2-6Even at your best, you guys blow turds.
New York Giants1-6I hope your bye was long enough for Eli to recover from being a sucky quarterback.
31L8Cleveland Browns0-8Congratulations, it's your turn at 31.
32L8San Francisco 49ers0-8Your turn at 32.