What to Hate About Green Bay

+ posts

I am a hater of all things. I hate you, you and you. I don't don't know you and I hate your guts. I wish all the bad things on Earth to happen to you and nobody else. Now excuse me, but I have to go fill your mother's dish.

The Packers have officially been eliminated from playoff consideration. For the 6th straight season, they have gone further in the playoffs than any team in their division. The last time somebody in the NFC North went further than the Packers in the playoffs, it was when the Brett Favre led Vikings to the NFC Championship Game in 2009, where, like he did so many times with the Packers, ended their season with a back breaking interception. Today we begin our offseason regimen. I will start with Green Bay, followed by Seattle, since we played them in week 2, a week before the season started and then go through all NFL cities we didn’t get a chance to hate on this year. Well, here it is.

1) The Packers are the only fucking thing in that town! Half of all businesses it seems are named “Packerland” something or other and if you watch the local news, particularly during the football season, 15-20 minutes of the half hour program is on the fucking team.

2) It’s far too close to Manitowoc for me to trust the cops, only about 45 minutes away.

3) The drive there. Go up to Green Bay on now Interstate 41 (officially designated as an Interstate on April 7th, 2015) and about 20 miles from town you will drive through a town called Kaukauna, whose stench is so fucking foul, that it would make residents of New Jersey envious.

4) The diversity, or shall I say lack thereof. There is a running joke that if you meet a black person in town, that odds are that he plays for or works for the Packers.

5) Every fucking street is named after an ex-Packers player, and many of them played before most people on the planet were born.

6) Endless fucking imitation suburbia. While I wouldn’t call any of the Fox Cities as suburbs, having visited Fond du Lac, Oshkosh, Appleton, Neenah, Menasha, Kaukauna and Green Bay, I would say many of those towns feel like suburbs and it is like a 70 mile stretch between Fond du Lac in the South to Green Bay in the North.

7) The Bay of Stinking Waters. Green Bay was founded by Jean Nicolet in 1634. Due to a mistranslation from Native American Language to French, Nicolet initially called it “La Baie des Puantsor” or “The Bay of Stinking Waters”

8) Nice Beaver! Thank you, I just had it stuffed. When Green Bay was founded it the 17th century, it was famous for fur trapping. The most sought after fur back then was that of the beaver.

9) The Hunting Widow Game. There is a 9 day rifle season for deer hunting in Wisconsin. It goes from the Saturday before Thanksgiving to the Sunday after it. The term “Hunting Widow” means women who are left behind at home to tend to themselves while their husbands hunt. If a Packers game is played in Green Bay during this time, oftentimes, the men will hunt during this game, and let the women have the tickets creating an overabundance of women at this particular game.

10) Oh ya der hey, don’tcha know! The accent is beyond fucking annoying

Next week we get our fix of way too much fucking coffee by heading to the Pacific Northwest to make fun of the Seahawks and their coach who fled USC just in time before the NCAA set that program back 5 years.