Well this is it. The man, the myth, the legend is retiring from writing and BOLD PREDICTIONS. My FYS days will be less as I move on to bigger and better things at work. We’ve had some laughs (too many at the Lions expense), some tears (mainly Shooter getting surprise fingers) and some good times (but mostly terrible).
I’ve enjoyed writing for you all even though we have vastly different opinions and knowledge on football (LKP right, everyone else wrong). I’ve enjoyed the witty banter and that is what this site is all about as we stand around the internet water cooler. BARK IT UP. Don’t think of it as good-bye but instead think of it as git fukt!!
Now some parting words of wisdom and shout-outs
Prep: You’re tall and you like a lot of things. I’ve had to google most of your words. If you ever want to meet at a Tilted Kilt in the Iberian peninsula, just say the word (if you can find it). You’re by far the most tolerable of all the Packer fans along with Bee Pee (Minnesota nice). It’s something.
Donny: I too enjoy doodles and running. This makes us best friends. Let me know when you finish that deck for a bbq. I’ll bring the brats and ketchup. Make FYS Great Again.
Gundy: You and Donny are a thing so I like you by association. Use your Clay Aiken special powers for good not evil.
MIBsy: You old rascal. Enjoy the perpetual side-fire that is the Chicago Bears (Lions have won 9 of the last 10 games between them BTW). We both had a common enemy so that made us best friends. Ride off into the sunset on your mower running over as many herron eggs as you can. You’re good people.
G&G: You’se bee me friend 4our always. Classic. You let me off a bet in 2013 when Calvin got hurt. You are good people. You recognized the caveat. Always recognize the caveat. Don’t eat too many bath salts in Florida. You get first dibs on all my Brazilian nannies.
MKE: Bucks suck always, Brewers suck always, Packers suck. Enjoy the new addition to the family but your social life is now over (but worth it). I’ll send you a picture of Stafford holding up the Lombardi next year. You can put that in the frame you would the bar exam certificate. Enjoy being SDL in 100 years. THE BOYS ARE GETTING UPSET!!
Andy: You built this site all by yourself with the help of nobody. I thank you for that and the opportunity to write for it. You owe me the amount of salary of an XFL player for my articles. I’ll accept cash or forwarded alimony payments. Enjoy the single life though. Slay some strange *Darius Slay finger wag*
Falcons fans with numbers: I always got you guys confused and always will as most people do. One or both of you like soccer so that’s cool.
Curtis: You were up 28-3 in father of the year votes. But you blew it. Enjoy your enormous family.
Jammin: Sweet little Jammin. Your weird love for aliens will always be remembered. Try not to get sacrificed in any volcanos you virgin. One day you’ll get laid based off your sweet radio voice or you’ll build a Taylor Swift sex robot. Most likely the latter (or ladder as G&G would say).
Raji: I liked your raps and your rapist wit. Enjoy married life and big city living in A Slut backwards. *ruffles head*
Bee Pee: You’re good people and living in enemy territory. You’re Minnesota nice for sure. I pass the writing torch to you and I hope you can “shoulder” the load for FYS.
Nate: You fit into Portland really well. The Bears suck bad and remember Reggie Bush was hurt enough games for that caveat. U MAD BRO. I’ve never been wrong on my Lions predictions. Injuries and refs just made me look wrong.
Shooter: We’ll always have the Vikings horn and everything that reminds me of (extreme finger invasion). Carry on trolling Packer fans. It’s God’s work.
Nichels: You truly changed my opinion of southerners. It’s way worse now. Enjoy bashing IT equipment and looking like ZZ Top while singing O’ Canada to appease the missus.
Reggie: Ohio State sucks. Always.
ASR: Michigan sucks. Always.
SDL: Hola Vato. You are like the great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather I never had. That was twelve (12) greats by the way. Shirley you can’t be serious about the Packers being a good team. Name that flick. When there’s a FAT HOG to suck, I’ll think of you.
Glove: Enjoy lifting heavy things/death metal and creepin on the “women” of crossfit. One day Aaron Rodgers will wear a glove from an injury and his stats will suffer. One day.
Mac: You chose the wrong starter jacket and you know it you mustachio’ed pumpkin chugging son of a gun. I curse your pumpkin ale harvest for this. Enjoy being BWC’s neighbor and hiking the Rockies with Scout.
LoW: My wife said she will sleep with you only if the Lions win the Super Bowl in five of the next 10 seasons. Plenty of room on this Lions bandwagon.
Gat: Enjoy snowmobiling with the bois mountain man.
Big Deal: You’re the best yo yoer I’ve ever met. Enjoy the warm temps of South Dakota compared to fucking North Dakota. I’ll always remember to dance like your son does.
Ethan: Yeah you were a bitch boi Lions fan but you were still a Lions fan. So that makes you better than everyone else here combined. One day we should have a Lions meat up in the parking lot outside of the stadium. Enjoy living in Detroit. BUY FORD.
Rourke: Yes you have too many wives and not enough eye brows. But you gave me a shot when nobody else wanted me to write. For that, I am grateful. Rourke Social Experiment #3468 is now complete.
Words of Wisdom
Always remember the Lions are the best franchise in the NFL. They have won Tru Championships in 6 of the last 7 seasons and should win the Super Bowl 10 times in the next 10 seasons. Quinn for the Win. Stafford is the greatest QB in NFL history and clearly better than Rodgers. Martin Mayhew and Jim Caldwell did nothing wrong. Injuries, refs and flukes can git fukt.
BOLD PREDICTION: Lions will go at least 11-5 in every season and win the NFC North from now until further notice. Stafford wins at least three (3) league MVPS.
I’ve enjoyed writing for you but now must vanish back to under my troll bridge.
There’s only one thing left to say: BOOMBAYA Ya Filthy Animals