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Position Rankings: QB

Time to Bark it Up! Let’s rank players within position groups within the NFC North and NFC South to kill some time before sports return. We’ll start with the Quarterback position.

  1. Drew “HOF Poop Face” Brees.

Hall of Famer with 4 (four) QB ratings well over 100 the last four (4) seasons. Despite missing 5 games in 2019 with injury, Brees had 27 TDS and only 4 interceptions. Saints will suck one or two more years out of Brees then die on a Taysom Hill hill. Michael Thomas is an elite WR and he has good protection, quick release, insane knowledge of his offense and running game (Kamara). Fuck Taysom Hill. Brees is a great quarterback and should have another monster season in New Orleans.

2a. Matthew “Elite AF” Stafford

Matt Stafford had 106 QB rating without much run game aid, no short fields and mediocre protection in 2019.  Man Cans was on pace for 38 TDs (most in the league) and 5,000 yards to lead the league in the first year of Darrell Bevell’s offense. Incredible arm, mental awareness and decision making are Staffords best traits. Most underrated QB ever in the history of the league. It says so right there on the internet.

Stafford had the better QB rating than Rodgers in 2015, 2017, 2019 seasons, folks. Stafford played hurt in 2016 and 2018 and should have topped Rodgers in 2018 at least. Kirk Cousins got a little more help from defense and run game but doesn’t handle pressure. Stafford can handle it all.

Stafford has lead good offenses with weapons without much help in other areas. He will get a chance to showcase his health and skills in 2020. Can’t wait.

2b. Kirk ‘You Like That PARDS” Cousins

Kirk Cousins tabbed a 107 rating and 99 rating the last 2 seasons with the Vikings. He notched 97 and 101 ratings in 2016/2015 with Washington. Captain Kirk actually had high passing attempts until last season (only 444 in 15 games).

Kirk the Jerk had a little more support on defense/run game, especially in the run game (read healthy Dalvin Cook) than Stafford (read injured Kerryon Johnson) but Cousins has produced with good YPA, completion % and TD to interception ratio. He may be one of most underrated QBs in the league too. Under pressure and off-script, he folds like a cheap tent. The Vikings will live and die by their offensive line and Cook health.

  1. Aaron “Jordan Loving It” Rodgers

The guy was the best QB in the game through 2016 (sans 2015). He has regressed despite good protection (read excessive allowed holding) and good running support (read pay Aaron Jones plus excessive allowed holding).  Rodgers in the past three seasons has two (2) ninety-seven (97) ratings and the ninety-five (95) rating for 2019. The man is still good but just not up to par with Stafford/Cousins given their aid comparisons.

Rodgers gets the most support out of all the QBS in the North so he drops to 4th overall and 3rd in the North. Can he regain his form with Jordan Love looking over his shoulder? Is Green Bay becoming a running team? Does he have enough weapons or did he always need like 3-4 weapons to be elite?

  1. Tom “Just Retire” Brady

Old and regressed in 2019 with Brady going into his mid-40s. Tommy earned a 88 QB rating last year despite an awesome defense, running game and playing terrible teams (though he had no weapons). Touchdown Tommy will have a ton of weapons in Tampa (Mike Evans, Gronk and Godwin) now but we’ll see if he gets the protection, run game and defensive support he had for years in New England. One of the greatest of all-time but he hung on a year too long. Leftwich is not Josh McDaniels either. Should be an interesting experiment. He will help Tampa Bay as anything is better than 30 interceptions.

  1. Matty “Ice” Ryan

Good QB and better horse impersonator. Ryan had that one great year in 2016 so the potential is there for more with right support combo and coaching. Falcons have had problems supporting him though despite Julio and Ridley on the team. Ryan is low to mid 90s rating most years and that shouldn’t change since Kyle Shanahan won’t be back. Todd Gurley support or enough defensive turnovers can push him over a 100 rating again though.

  1. Jordan “Not a HOFer” Love

Potential through the roof to make the Packers trade up for him in Round 1. Prove it on the field if LeFleur can fix his turnovers in like two or three years when he takes over for Rodgers. They should bring in Jim Caldwell as it worked for Stafford to limit turnovers.

  1. Nick “Big Dick Nick” Foles

Super Bowl MVP and succeeds with weapons and protection. Bears don’t really have enough of that. Foles lack of mobility will hurt him and not enough surroundings to be successful unless the Bears 2018 turnover forcing defense returns. Foles can get hot though and that might all the Bears need.

  1. 7. Mitch “Maholmes and Watson on the Board” Trubisky

Bust. Has an arm and some wheels but just doesn’t get it done with lack in the mental game. Lack of run game and weapons for 2019 could be an excuse. 2018 he had elite defense with short fields but still shit the bed enough times. Will he ever figure out how to improve? Another guy that needs Jim Caldwell.

  1. 8. Jameis “Eat that Interception” Wintson

Can produc clearly but he but needs to limit turnovers clearly. Several 80s rated seasosn to start his career before last years int debacle. This guy needs Jim Caldwell.

  1. Teddy “Not Good” Bridgewater

He sucks but the Saints support system got him another shot to start in this league. Carolina will rely on McCaffery but not enough in Matt Rhule’s new system for Bridgewater to lead the team. DJ Moore and Robby Anderson interesting combo for him as he better hope they get YAC and he learns how to throw a deep ball. Just don’t see success for him.

  1. Chase “Lucky to Never Play More” Daniel

Veteran backup who hasn’t done shit but people love him for some reason. Lions screwed if Stafford misses time again.

  1. Taysom “Not a Real QB” Hill

He can do other things as a slash-type-role but he is not a legit QB. 76 rating with a few lucky throws. I hope the Saints ride with him in 2021.

  1. Blaine Gabbert.

Brady’s backup and former 1st round pick for the Jaguars. He still sucks though.

  1. Matt Schaub.

Woof but did a thing one-time for the Falcons and got paid so good for him. Now he is old and sucks.

  1. Will Grier

Woof, Bridgewater is the better option. His wife/fiancé/gf is smoking hot though and Grier is only his second season so can improve.

  1. Sean “Not the Man” Mannion

Third round pick from the Rams years ago. Never really seen him do anything so he moves to the bottom of the list.