I am a hater of all things. I hate you, you and you. I don't don't know you and I hate your guts. I wish all the bad things on Earth to happen to you and nobody else. Now excuse me, but I have to go fill your mother's dish.
We are back for another hatefest. This time we go to the land of Rice-A-Roni. That’s right folks. I have a San Francisco treat for you today. In case you are unfamiliar with this thing, this doesn’t have to be only about sports, although some will be trickled in there, it could be about embarrassing aspects of the town, who is from there,or general stereotypes of the place. Let the hate begin
1) The San Francisco 49ers play in Santa Clara, which is like an hour away from the city which they play for, without traffic. This is like the Bears playing in Racine.
2) There is perhaps no bunch of frontrunning fans than Frisco fans. If the Giants were not winning 90 games every year, most fans couldn’t tell a baseball from an avocado. Just kidding, this is California, they know what an avocado looks like.
3) San Francisco has some of the richest culture in the country, but for the love of God, does it have to include walking through a minefield of homeless people wherever I go? I swear! I can’t walk 50 feet in town without tripping over one of these people.
4) The Silicon Valley is brought to you by Google. The people who kindly spy on everything you do just because it is easy to find crap on their search engine. Seems like a fair trade.
5) Can I get some consistency with the weather? I was in a hotel once and I watched the weather to see what I should wear. The weatherman said with a straight face “Depending on where you go it will be between 64 and 96.” Thanks a lot dickhead.
6) Speaking of weather, there is no summer at all in the city itself. Mark Twain once said “The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.”
7) Most towns have different area of town like a North Side or South Side. San Francisco calls their crappy areas “Oakland”
8) Speaking of Oakland, San Franciscans will never go there unless it is to see the Warriors, and that is only because they started to be good like 2 years ago.
9) The new Bay Bridge was held up because they ordered the wrong bolts. Turns out when building a bridge over seawater, then you might want to find ones that don’t instantly corrode in salt water.
10) I think the 49ers lead the NFL in jersey sales of people who are no longer on the team. Seriously, look in the crowd at 49ers games and you will still see more Montana and Rice jerseys than anyone who plays for them.
And a bonus one. The 49ers were stupid enough to not draft a guy, who grew up locally, who went to college in the area, and has become the best QB in the game today, all for Alex Smith. On second thought, I like San Francisco for that last one. He has worked out pretty good in Green Bay.