His name is Bobert Paulson. His name is Bobert Paulson. His name is Bobert Paulson.
Vikings fans have pure euphoria.
Falcons fans are not far behind.
Packers fans love the D.
Tampa Bay fans must be happy not to be dead last in the division.
Saints fans got to watch bemused from the sidelines.
Bears fans are, I am sure, resigned to their fate.
Carolina fans could not have seen this coming.
But nothing can match the feeling of being at Lions fan an getting a colossal fluke win over the Eagles. After years, nay decades, of the Football Gods doing everything in their power to ensure that any and all flukes going against the Lions, something broke their way. Perhaps with this as a start, inner Detroit can be rehabilitated, Flint’s water supply will clean up, Michigan will gain international recognition for its growing wine industry, and Draymond Green can punch dicks without consequence. Its all looking up Michigan. Enjoy.
RANKINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
| RANK | TEAM | STUFF |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Minnesota Vikings | Jesus, why? |
| 2 | New England Patriots | Its nice that the Bears sent a talented tight end to perennial contender. Rem |
| 3 | Pittsburgh Steelers | As the loss to the Eagles fades, one notices that their margin of victory tends to be significant. |
| 4 | Atlanta Falcons | Arguably they should be one spot higher after knocking off the top team in Denver. |
| 5 | Denver Broncos | Losing at home is never great, but doing so while allowing the Falcons to dominate the line of scrimmage defensively is especially troubling |
| 6 | Seattle Seahawks | By virtue of Philadelphia's loss in Detroit, they slide up a spot. |
| 7 | Green Bay Packers | The defense is stout and the running game was solid. Aaron Rodgers will come around at some point. Right? RIGHT?? |
| 8 | Dallas Cowboys | Dismantling the Bengals is sort of losing its luster. |
| 9 | Philadelphia Eagles | It is tempting to drop them even farther, but this is the team that destroyed Pittsburgh. |
| 10 | Oakland Raiders | They keep winning and Derek Carr is rounding in the star everyone thought he might be. |
| 11 | Buffalo Bills | Winners of three straight, they make a big leap up from 19. |
| 12 | Los Angeles Rams | I still like some of what this team is doing despite a shellacking to a rising Bills team. |
| 13 | Houston Texans | Yeah, Minnesota destroyed them. They destroy everyone, except the comparably game Packers. |
| 14 | Washington Redskins | They handed Baltimore its second loss on the road. Good enough. |
| 15 | Kansas City Chiefs | They didn't play a game. So. |
| 16 | Arizona Cardinals | Maybe they are turning it around? Maybe? |
| 17 | Cincinnati Bengals | This is probably generous, but I am having a hard time believing the team won't find its stride. |
| 18 | Tampa Bay Buccaneers | Way to crawl out of the cellar. |
| 19 | New York Giants | Good lord, all the teams from here on out seem really bad. |
| 20 | Baltimore Ravens | They have a winning record, but I don't believe much in this squad. |
| 21 | Detroit Lions | I mean, I guess? Trash, but a nice fluke win. |
| 22 | San Diego Chargers | The best losers I have ever seen. |
| 23 | Tennessee Titans | It seems like the fundamentals are there, yet they are bad and not good. |
| 24 | Indianapolis Colts | Beating the Bears is not nice and mean. |
| 25 | New York Jets | Their losses are all to good teams, but shouldn't you win at least some of those? |
| 26 | Carolina Panthers | Freeeeeeeeeeeeeee, freee faaaaalling |
| 27 | New Orleans Saints | They didn't play and dropped five spots. lol. |
| 28 | San Fransisco 49ers | Kaepernick soon. |
| 29 | Jacksonville Jaguars | Holding strong during the bye. Nice. |
| 30 | Chicago Bears | Hey, you played Indy tough. That's nice. |
| 31 | Miami Dolphins | I guess maybe you don't have a quarterback after all. |
| 32 | Cleveland Browns | Yep. |