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Week 9 Power Rankings

Proctologistics

 

Well Gents, the season is officially half way over. I’ve never before been party to such a group of ignorant fucks such as yourselves. It’s time to drop some wisdom on your neanderthal asses.

The fact is, the NFL has about a dozen mediocre teams, and a bunch of shit teams. Wins are important, especially wins within your division, but simply winning more games doesn’t mean your shit doesn’t stink.

When you look at the winning teams and then look at their schedule, there is really only one team that stands out as formidable opponent, the New Orleans Saints. Yes, they’ve won 7 of 8 games (including handing the Rams their only loss), but what’s impressive is that 3 of those wins are against teams competing for there respective divisions, and what’s even more impressive is that they’ve beat them on the road (Vikings, Ravens, Falcons).

As for the Rams, 8-1 is impressive…until you look at the shit on their schedule. The only teams they’ve beaten who could be considered contenders are the chargers and Vikings, and that’s based on their records, but when you look at the Viking and Chargers schedules, you’ll see a hot steamy pile of shit wins. Same goes for the Chiefs and Patriots.

However, While some teams may be stacking up what seem like easy wins, you can’t dismiss winning. It’s no surprise that Andy Reid, Bill Belichick, Sean Payton, Mike Tomlin, and Ron Rivera have there teams at the top of their division. Slightly more surprising and quite impressively, there is a new group of young studs leading their programs to success. Guys like Sean McVay, Matt Nagy, and Chris Peterson.

So here’s the most accurate power rankings you will encounter to date. How do I know? To quote my good friend Donny, “I don’t need facts, I use my eyes and my brain.” Don’t get your panties in a wad if your favorite team gets slighted, we still have half a season to go, and the divisional battles are about to start heating up.

Suck it. Here you go.

RankTeam
1 New Orleans Saints
2New England Patriots
3Kansas City Chiefs
4Carolina Panthers
5Los Angles Rams
6Chicago Bears
7Los Angles Chargers
8Pittsburgh Steelers
9Houston Texans
10Washington Redskins
11Atlanta Falcons
12Miami Dolphins
13Minnesota Vikings
14Cincinnati Bengals
15Tennessee Titans
16Seattle Seahawks
17Philadelphia Eagles
18Baltimore Ravens
19Green Bay packers
20Jacksonville Jaguars
21Tampa Bay Buccaneers
22Indianapolis Colts
23Dallas Cowboys
24Detroit Lions
25New York Jets
26Denver Broncos
27Cleveland Browns
28Arizona Cardinals
29Buffalo Bills
30San Francisco 49ers
31New York Giants
32Oakland Raiders