I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi where I learned the three rules of life: Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.
The 2018 Season is upon us and that means all of us will have some hot teaks. I decided to put mine in an article so that when is all said and done, we can look back on this and realize just how smart I am. Either that or we can all point and laugh; yeah, that’s way more likely. Anywho (which on of you hates that word? ), on with my teaks.
- Ezekiel Elliott will play 16 games and have less than 1k yards
- Saquon Barkley will average less than 3.5 yards per carry
- Aaron Rodgers will be healthy all season but the Packers will miss the playoffs.
- Alvin Kamara will have 2,000+ all purpose yards
- Josh Rosen will be the highest rated rookie QB
- Jameis Winston will have 20+ turnovers.
- The Chicago Bears will finish 8-8 or better.
- The Detroit Lions will finish 7-9 or worse.
- Julio Jones fails to top 1k receiving yards.
- Jordy Nelson will have more receiving yards and TD’s than Jimmy Graham.
- The San Francisco 49ers will win make the playoffs.
- The Minnesota Vikings will lose in the wild card round when Cousins throws a late INT.
- Minnesota will have a greater rushing offense than Green Bay.
Predicted 2018 Standings
| NFC South | NFC North | ||
|---|---|---|---|
| Saints | 12-4 | Vikings | 11-5 |
| Falcons | 10-6 | Bears | 9-7 |
| Panthers | 7-9 | Packers | 8-8 |
| Bucs | 4-12 | Lions | 6-10 |
Predicted 2018 Playoff Teams & Seed
| NFC | AFC | |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Saints | Pats |
| 2 | Eagles | Jags |
| 3 | Vikings | Steelers |
| 4 | Rams | Chargers |
| 5 | 49ers | Titans |
| 6 | Bears | Ravens |
The New Orleans Saints will beat the Jacksonville Jaguars at Superb Owl LII in Atlanta by a score of 31 to 24.
FYS Not-So-Hot Teaks
- Glove will get his foot repaired.
- Donny will break his keyboard typing out “sucks” eleventy-billion times in the comments.
- MKE will have a lot of LOL’s and SMH’s
- BP will manage to stay upright on his 2 wheeled, environment saving bicycle.
- Andy will fuck all the sloots and we’ll be jealous.
- MiB will have the best power rankings on the World Wide Web.
- Shooter will learn to enjoy butt play.
- Jammin will die on many hills.
- 0125 will contribute to the lung cancer problem.
- SDL will regale us with some trivia.
- Prep won’t answer said trivia correctly.
- LoW will get caught banging a wife and his dick will be cut off.
- LKP will smash 3 TV’s before he goes comatose by week 3.
- Ethan will go through the 5 stages of grief by week 3.
- Curtis will welcome 6 more kids to his family (slow year).
- Someone will melt because I didn’t include them in this.
- I will squat 501lbs.