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2023 NFL Week 0 Power Rankings

Analysis Featured News Observations Opinion Power Rankings Sport Sports

Looks like we’ll have to make do without our beloved MiB for the 2023 NFL football season.  I don’t even remember if he was here in 2022.  Kinda sad if you think about it; he was the only one on FYS who was smart enough to understand football (too bad he didn’t understand women) and tell it like it is.  Not like most of you idiots.  Anyway, I’ll give this power ranking thing a try because I’m pretty smert and understand footyball.  I knew Johnny Football was going to suck.  I knew Chip Kelly was going to suck.  I knew Brian Kelly was going to suck.  Hell, LSU would have done better hiring Kelly Bundy.  Anyway, Jordan Love will suck, but not as much as Desmond Ridder.  On with the rankings.  If you disagree, STFU.

RankTeamProjected RecordComment
1Cincinnati Bengals15-2#NFLSU
2Kansas City Chiefs14-3Losses are to the Bears, Dolphins and Bengals
3Buffalo Bills14-3Bounced in their first playoff game
4Philadelphia Eagles14-3They'll feast on the weak NFC
5Los Angeles Chargers13-4Justin Herbert wins the MVP
6Miami Dolphins13-4Tua's offseason pays off
7Detroit Lions13-4LKP saves a few TVs
8Minnesota Vikings12-5They lose to the Lions in the playoffs
9San Francisco 49ers12-5Fuck the 49ers
10Jacksonville Jaguars11-6Sunshine is in the MVP discussion til the end
11New Orleans Saints10-7Saints win NFCS; get torched in the wild card round
12Dallas Cowboys10-7Moobs gets fired at the end of the year
13Pittsburgh Steelers9-8This may be too high for them
14New England Patriots9-8I have to put them somewhere
15Denver Broncos8-9Sean Payton will not make them into a champion
16New York Giants8-9Still the better NYC team
17Tampa Bay Bucs7-10They're only this high because they'll sweep Atlanta and Carolina
18Seattle Seahawks7-10Geno Smith will regress to his norm
19Chicago Bears7-10Justin Fields passes for 3k yards
20Baltimore Ravens7-10Stop trying to make Lamar happen
21Green Bay Packers7-10At least they did better than Rodgers
22New York Jets7-10Rodgers is gonna be bad; Jets miss playoffs
23Atlanta Falcons6-11They'll be drafting a QB next year
24Cleveland Browns6-11They paid what for Watson? LOL
25Las Vegas Raiders6-11Jimmy G gets killed ded this time
26Los Angeles Rams5-12Probably should have stayed in St Louis
27Houston Texans5-120125 is fucked
28Indianapolis Colts4-13Member when they used to win double digit games every year?
29Tennessee Titans4-13At least they have whiskey in Tennessee
30Washington Commanders4-13Rivera will get fired because he sucks
31Carolina Panthers4-13Get used to the bottom Panther fans
32Arizona Cardinals1-16Kyler Murray is shorter than Raji


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I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi where I learned the three rules of life: Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.