Looks like we’ll have to make do without our beloved MiB for the 2023 NFL football season. I don’t even remember if he was here in 2022. Kinda sad if you think about it; he was the only one on FYS who was smart enough to understand football (too bad he didn’t understand women) and tell it like it is. Not like most of you idiots. Anyway, I’ll give this power ranking thing a try because I’m pretty smert and understand footyball. I knew Johnny Football was going to suck. I knew Chip Kelly was going to suck. I knew Brian Kelly was going to suck. Hell, LSU would have done better hiring Kelly Bundy. Anyway, Jordan Love will suck, but not as much as Desmond Ridder. On with the rankings. If you disagree, STFU.
| Rank | Team | Projected Record | Comment |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Cincinnati Bengals | 15-2 | #NFLSU |
| 2 | Kansas City Chiefs | 14-3 | Losses are to the Bears, Dolphins and Bengals |
| 3 | Buffalo Bills | 14-3 | Bounced in their first playoff game |
| 4 | Philadelphia Eagles | 14-3 | They'll feast on the weak NFC |
| 5 | Los Angeles Chargers | 13-4 | Justin Herbert wins the MVP |
| 6 | Miami Dolphins | 13-4 | Tua's offseason pays off |
| 7 | Detroit Lions | 13-4 | LKP saves a few TVs |
| 8 | Minnesota Vikings | 12-5 | They lose to the Lions in the playoffs |
| 9 | San Francisco 49ers | 12-5 | Fuck the 49ers |
| 10 | Jacksonville Jaguars | 11-6 | Sunshine is in the MVP discussion til the end |
| 11 | New Orleans Saints | 10-7 | Saints win NFCS; get torched in the wild card round |
| 12 | Dallas Cowboys | 10-7 | Moobs gets fired at the end of the year |
| 13 | Pittsburgh Steelers | 9-8 | This may be too high for them |
| 14 | New England Patriots | 9-8 | I have to put them somewhere |
| 15 | Denver Broncos | 8-9 | Sean Payton will not make them into a champion |
| 16 | New York Giants | 8-9 | Still the better NYC team |
| 17 | Tampa Bay Bucs | 7-10 | They're only this high because they'll sweep Atlanta and Carolina |
| 18 | Seattle Seahawks | 7-10 | Geno Smith will regress to his norm |
| 19 | Chicago Bears | 7-10 | Justin Fields passes for 3k yards |
| 20 | Baltimore Ravens | 7-10 | Stop trying to make Lamar happen |
| 21 | Green Bay Packers | 7-10 | At least they did better than Rodgers |
| 22 | New York Jets | 7-10 | Rodgers is gonna be bad; Jets miss playoffs |
| 23 | Atlanta Falcons | 6-11 | They'll be drafting a QB next year |
| 24 | Cleveland Browns | 6-11 | They paid what for Watson? LOL |
| 25 | Las Vegas Raiders | 6-11 | Jimmy G gets killed ded this time |
| 26 | Los Angeles Rams | 5-12 | Probably should have stayed in St Louis |
| 27 | Houston Texans | 5-12 | 0125 is fucked |
| 28 | Indianapolis Colts | 4-13 | Member when they used to win double digit games every year? |
| 29 | Tennessee Titans | 4-13 | At least they have whiskey in Tennessee |
| 30 | Washington Commanders | 4-13 | Rivera will get fired because he sucks |
| 31 | Carolina Panthers | 4-13 | Get used to the bottom Panther fans |
| 32 | Arizona Cardinals | 1-16 | Kyler Murray is shorter than Raji |
I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi where I learned the three rules of life: Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.