2023 NFL Week 1 Power Rankings

Analysis Featured Observations Opinion Power Rankings
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I was born a poor black child. I remember the days, sittin' on the porch with my family, singin' and dancin' down in Mississippi where I learned the three rules of life: Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

A week of football is in the books and that means the rankings have changed.  Since y’all aren’t going to read this, I’m just going to post this, then the ranking and scroll to the comments myself…

1 Up ArrowPhiladelphia EaglesDon't worry, they'll find a way to fuck it up.
2 Up ArrowDetroit LionsThey might have a football team in Detroit
3 Up ArrowMiami DolphinsFuck Florida
4 Down ArrowKansas City ChiefsI mean, I joked that the LOLions would beat 'em, but wow.
5 Up ArrowSan Francisco 49ersFuck the 49ers
6 Down ArrowLos Angeles ChargersSomething clever
7 Up ArrowDallas CowboysDallas beats up on step-sister; moves into top 10; film at 11
8 Up ArrowJacksonville JaguarsSunshine was okay
9 Down ArrowBuffalo BillsOH NO BUFF-A-LO!
10 Down ArrowCincinnati BengalsJoe, you're carrying the hope of all South Louisiana people
11Push ArrowNew Orleans SaintsThey won, so whatever.
12 Down ArrowMinnesota VikingsWe may need to setup a suicide watch on Shooter. Not to stop it, but to film it.
13 Up ArrowTampa Bay BucsJFC Vikings. Baker Mayfield???
14Up Arrow Green Bay PackersCheese stinks
15 Down ArrowBaltimore RavensLamar still sucks
16 Up ArrowAtlanta FalconsI've got nothing
17 Up ArrowNew York JetsThey lost Rodgers, but won the war. Whatever.
18 Down ArrowDenver BroncosSean Payton is off to a good start.
19 Up ArrowLas Vegas RaidersLife after Carr is going okay for them
20 Down ArrowNew England PatriotsThink Bill retires after this season?
21 Down ArrowPittsburgh SteelersThis is not a good team
22 Up ArrowCleveland BrownsStill think they're gonna suck
23 Up ArrowLos Angeles RamsNot sure why we're even keeping track down here in the 20's
24 Down ArrowSeattle SeahawksI still hate Pete Carol from his USC days
25 Down ArrowWashington CommandersBig rise for them, but it's really because everyone above them sucked
26 Down ArrowChicago BearsFuckin' Bears. Now we have to listen to the Packer fans gloat for beating up a tard
27 Down ArrowNew York GiantsThe Giants are to the Cowboys as the Bears are to the Packers
28 Push ArrowIndianapolis ColtsWonder if they can talk Peyton Manning out of retirement
29 Push ArrowTennessee TitansLost to the Saints, but played tough, but still lost to the Saints
30 Down ArrowHouston TexansAny other season, this would be the worst team in the league
31 Push ArrowCarolina PanthersLuckily for Houston, Carolina and Arizona exist
32 Push ArrowArizona Cardinals15 losses to go