FYS Week 11 Power Rankings

Power Rankings Uncategorized
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I'm just an average Joe. I live in a shoe box in my parents driveway with two dead hookers. I sprinkle cocaine on my cereal, because coffee just doesn't do it for me. Most days I have mild to moderate diarrhea, and all of my erections last more than four hours.



Did you know they named winter storms? I didn’t. I had no idea, until I was reading the news this morning. “Winter Storm Bozeman Blasts U. S.”

Why the hell not? There are freeze reports in all 50 states. Think about that. That includes Hawaii, where the temperature at Mauna Kea on the Big Island dropped to 31 degrees.

It got me to thinking, how many inches of dick shrinkage that would add up to? Also, if you added up the length of all the erect nipples, would we have a net gain, or net loss? I’m guessing loss, but who in the hell knows.

Protoplasm, what are you going to do about it?


Week eleven is in the books, and we still can’t crown a Superbowl champ. I can tell you it won’t be the Oakland Raiders. With their tenth loss in a row, the Raiders are officially eliminated from the playoffs. This marks the earliest exit since 2004 Miami Dolphins. There should be some sort of prize for getting eliminated before thanksgiving; a bronze turd, or something.

In The News

The NFL announced that Minnesota Vikings running back Adrian Peterson, will suspended without pay for at least the remainder of the season. You want to hear the crazy part? It is possible the Peterson could play this Sunday against the Green Bay Packer, pending his appeal. That’s some crazy shit right there.

Rex Ryan was fined $100,000 for the use of profanity after The Jets week 10 upset of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Personally, if I were the NFL, I’d be more offended by the shit show the Jets march out on the field every Sunday.

The Drug Enforcement Administration interviewed the medical staffs of several visiting teams this weekend, and searched for drugs. There has been no indication that any irregularities have been found. THANKS OBAMA!

Who’s Hot

The Green Bay packers are coming off their second consecutive 50+ point output. This is the first time in Franchise history the team has topped 50 point in two consecutive weeks. I think we all know that Dom Capers deserves most of the credit.

Who’s Not

Take your pick. Both the Carolina Panthers and the New York Giants have strung together 5 losses. Here’s the sad part, with three wins, the Panthers are only a half a game out of first place in their division.

You Said It

Ethan – Aliens must look at our probes and spaceships and think “LOL look at these idiots. Nice piece of space junk you got there, fucktards”

LaCW – If they do a space Jam 2 get Kevin Durant or Derrick Rose as the lead not LeBron.

adambballn – Was going to take this girl out to dinner Wednesday…She said how about we just hang out at my place instead. I’m totally having sex.

G & G – I think we should hire a Cricket writer, just to understand the game

Prep – Little did you all know that I had a drone with a camera on it follow you around all last weekend, while I masturbated voraciously to the feed.

JJ – I’d rather be probed by aliens than see a sequel to Space Jam. As for the rest of you, you make me proud to write for such a high class blog.

It’s Time To Rank ‘em and Spank ‘em

Arizona Cardinals9-1That savvy Stanton is simply sensational.
New England Patriots8-2Leave it to Belichick to pull a running back out of his ass.
Kansas City Chiefs7-3I can't think of a bad thing to say about a team that just beat the Seahawks. Thank you. Well done.
Green Bay Packers7-3When's the last time Rodgers finished a game at home? What a pussy!
Philadelphia Eagles7-3Chip, here's something for your coaches notebook; Fast paced offenses against Green Bay give Aaron Rodgers more time with the football. Put that in the "bad" column.
Denver Broncos7-3I've seen buggered prison inmates with better running games.
Detroit Lions7-3You sure know how to fuck with a fan base.
Dallas Cowboys7-3It's mid November. It's about time you shit the bed.
San Francisco 49ers6-4This seems kind of generous. If Eli throws 4 interceptions, you probably lose.
Cincinnati Bengals6-3-1Did you ever get the feeling Andy Dalton is just messing with your minds?
Pittsburgh Steelers7-4LaGarrette Blount got one carry Monday night. He carried his ass off the field before the end of the game. Turns out, that will be his last carry as a Steeler.
Baltimore Ravens6-4Hmmm...Stashing Jonas Grey on the practice squad.
Indianapolis Colts6-4Gosh, everybody loses big to the Pats.
Oh wait... you were at home.
Seattle Seahawks6-4Beast mode? Least mode!
Cleveland Browns6-4HOYER THE ANNOYER!
Miami Dolphins6-4The safety was the most exciting play of this game.
Houston Texans5-5JJ Watt scored an offensive TD. Well' JJ Watt, I'm not going too JJ Watt for it. I have more integrity than to JJ Watt on a single player.
San Diego Chargers6-4You have more up and downs than Prep's mom.
Buffalo Bills5-5Potential doesn't win championships.
Atlanta Falcons4-6Woo Hoo! First place!
Saint Louis Rams4-6DEA should have drug tested home teams.
Chicago Bears4-610th draft pick. Still 6 games to fuck that up.
Minnesota Vikings4-6Probably not good PR. but I'd play AP if the NFL screws it up.
New Orleans Saints4-6You need another catastrophic hurricane.
Carolina Panthers3-7-11\2 game out of first! keep digging!
New York Jets2-8Doing good. Chicago's next defensive coordinator needs to watch his P's and Q's though.
New York Giants3-7Eli, where's your pride? You were two short of the record.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers2-8Your season rests on defending Lovie's honor.
Washington Redskins3-7I like Jay Gruden. Honesty is the best policy. Especially when it pisses off your owner and franchise QB!
Jacksonville Jaguars1-9Have you considered using bubble gum to buy a win?
Tennessee Titans2-8You under achieve like no other.