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Can't Miss Slants

What to Hate About New England

Welcome to the Northeast.  Boston, Massachusetts.  There is no shortage of hate to reign down on these pretentious fucks.  Let’s get on with it.

  1. I pahked my cah at Hahvahd Yahd.  Hey fuckhead.  It’s okay to pronounce an “r” every now and then.  Try it.  It feels good.
  2.  New England Clam Chowder looks like somebody vomited three glasses of milk.
  3.  Colonial Charm.  I understand Boston was designed in the 1600s when people rode horses instead of driving in cars.  But at any point in the 400 years since then has anybody decided to upgrade the roads to fit modern times?  Colonial Charm my ass.  Talk about laziness
  4.  The Freedom Trail.  In a city filled with American History, you would think this would be one of the highlights to visiting Boston.  The only thing of note on this trail is Old North Church and some random garbage.  Wanna see where the Boston Massacre took place?  Go play human Frogger in some busy intersection.  Wanna go see where the Boston Tea Party took place?  Nah.  That’s filled with concrete.
  5. The “T” closes at 12:30 AM and the bars close at 2AM.  I mean, who in the fuck would want a train to carry people home who you don’t want driving after all.  Jesus fucking Christ this town is so fucking dumb.
  6. The town is super racist despite it’s leftist nature.  Homosexuals still can’t march in the Southie’s St Patrick Day Parade,  cops in Cambridge arrested a black man for apparently being black in Cambridge, only to find out he was a Harvard Professor.
  7. Those fuckers are actually proud of creating Dunkin’ Donuts.  I can create the worst donuts on the planet too, I just won’t take pride in it.
  8. Speaking  of shit that shouldn’t be a point of pride.  While, Sam Adams may have popularized the Craft Beer market, they certainly have fallen well behind the times.
  9. Taxachusetts.  Massachusetts has one of the highest tax burdens in the country, and it has been for the better part of 50 years.
  10. And oh yeah,  Fuck Bill Belicheat in his fucking face.

Next week we travel to Buffalo, probably just in time for another lake effect snowstorm.