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Can't Miss Slants

Legit Not Trolling

Here are the power rankings brought to by a legit not troll

  1. Lions (2-3). Best team in league. Refs and injuries screwed them in the three losses. They beat the Packers and Patriots easily
  2. Patriots. They are back with Belichick voodoo and Touchdown Tommy. Maybe take the personal foul for tackling Brady next time Mr. Speaks
  3. Rams. You want to crown them. Crown them. Have to prove they can stay healthy and win a playoff game. Donald and Suh work well together. *glares at Martin Mayew*
  4. Chiefs. Everyone loses at New England. Everyone.
  5. Saints.  Brees is the second best QB in league behind Matt Stafford. Number 1 with a poop stain on face though
  6. Steelers. Bell not even needed. TJ Watt is good. Steel city more like Stud city. Tomlin is fucking annoying though
  7. Vikings. Embarssment of riches. Defense went a little crazy along with Griffen but they will get their shot. Shooters shoot.
  8. Green Bay Rodgers. The team is trash but with Rodgers and the refs on your side, you will win double digit games.
  9. Eagles. Philly special wearing off. Wentz needs to prove he is better than Foles. Low bar
  10. Ravens. Defense keeps them in it most every year
  11. Bengals. Good at regular season other than big games or playoffs
  12. Chargers. They always mess it up for mid to late 30s Rivers
  13. Dolphins. Somehow they win games in that heat
  14. Bears. The 3 hours of direct sunlight will hurt them all season.
  15. Panthers.  I really don’t know how they win at all. Losing to Redskins is still bad
  16. Jaguars. They believed their own hype. Luckily it’s the AFC South.
  17. Texans. Watson can win this shitty divison too
  18. Seahawks. Wilson scrambles around and wins games. He has to with that Oline
  19. Cowboys. Zeke the Freak. Dak sucks and so do his weapons
  20. Redskins. Alex Smith. Game manager.
  21. Titans. Remember them. They are a NFL team
  22. Browns. They will rise to a 6 win season.
  23. Jets. Sam Darnold era. Maybe the Giants should have drafted him over Saquan
  24. Falcons. Might/may suck this year. It’s not injuries. They suck
  25. Buccaneers. Fitzmagic disappearing act as Tampa does every year
  26. 49ers. You almost beat the Packers. Refs gave you the lone win over the Lions.
  27. Bills. Allen hurt and your other QBs are diarrhea. Thanks for beating the Vikings though
  28. Broncos. Why couldn’t Case Keenum play like this last year
  29. Raiders. Miss Khalil Mack yet. Gruden sucked in Tampa alot. People forget that
  30. Colts. Ebron leads the league in TD catches. But you suck with noodle arm Luck
  31. Giants. Barkley is great. But your team is garbage and Eli has always been hot trash
  32. Cardinals. Rosen rookie trash. Defense falling apart. Fitz unhappy. Number 1 pick can happen