Welcome to December where the points are made up and the games don’t matter for the shitty teams (basically just the Panthers and Falcons right now). Lets’ take a look at the NFC playoff picture because fuck the AFC.
NFC East: Stink, Stank, Stunk-Grinch
Giants lead the NFC East at 5-7 after somehow beating Seattle. Washington Football Team is also 5-7 after somehow beating the Steelers (WFT or WTF on MNF). Sadly enough, the 3-8-1 Eagles (Jim Schwartz fist bump) and 3-8 Cowboys (McCarthy confused look or googily eye) are still in dis bitch. One of these teams gets the 4th seed which is a real kick in the tits.
Giants 5-7: Cardinals, Browns, at Ravens, Cowboys. Tough sledding but Cards fading and Cowboys suck. 2-2
WFT 5-7: at 49ers, Seattle, Panthers, at Eagles. Two tough ones then Rivera against his old team. Eagles suck.
Eagles 3-8-1: Saints, at Cards, at Cowboys, WFT. Hope they lose and they are like 80 million over the cap. Fall Eagles fall
Cowboys 3-8: at Ravens, at Bengals (Dalton Bowl), 49ers, Eagles, at Giants. 2 NFC East teams and Bengals. Shocker the world Magic Mike
One NFC East team will be 4th seed and under 500. I’ll go with WFT so we can say WTF. Alex Smith comeback is a very nice story though so you got to root for that.
NFC South: Bayou Rules Rochambeau
Saints 10-2: At Eagles, Chiefs, Vikings, at Panthers. They are rolling even without Brees like last season. Solid defense again and own the NFC South. Battle for the lone bye but Chiefs game will be tough. Plus the Vikings own them.
Bucs 7-5: Vikings, At Falcons, at Lions, Falcons. Easy schedule here for wild card. Can Brady and Bruce not fuck it up or will we LOLBucs?
Falcons 4-8: at Chargers, Bucs, at Chiefs, at Bucs. They can spoil the Bucs season at least. They would be in the playoff race if Gurley didn’t score that TD against Detroit. LOL Falcons.
Panthers 4-8: Broncos, at Packers, WFT, Saints. Rebuilding year for Rhule but they showed some life
Saints win the division and Bucs make the playoffs at 10-6.
NFC West. Wild Wild West
LA Rams 8-4: Patriots, Jets, at Seattle, Cardinals. Goff is meh but the Rams have some defense. Will come down to the Seattle and Cardinals game for the division.
Seattle 8-4: Jets, at WFT, Rams, at 49ers. Seattle is reeling losing to the Giants but now they get the Jets and hot WFT. Comes down to Rams game really.
Cardinals 6-6: at Giants, Eagles, 49ers, at Rams. Cardinals fading fast despite the Hail Murray. They better beat Giants or Eagles or they are toast. Cards luck there are 7 seeds.
49ers 5-7: WFT, Cowboys, at Cardinals, Seattle. 49ers just way too injured but have long shot for 7th seed to get 3 teams in.
Rams over Seattle I guess. Cards miss playoffs. 49ers too injured
NFC North: Crown Jewel of NFC
Packers 9-3: at Lions, Panthers, Titans, at Bears. Yeah yeah they win NFC North again and Rodgers looks like a MVP. Trying to catch Saints for 1 seed and they might/may do it. Titans a nice run defense test coming. Lions need to shock the world under Bevell but Packers drop 40 on Detroit again. 2011 Week 17 type shootout?
Vikings 6-6: at Bucs, Bears, at Saints, at Lions. This team was dead in the water but somehow are sitting at 7th seed right now. Bucs game is huge and got to win those division games. Cook needs to carry the team and could they beat the Saints yet again. I’d pick them over the Cardinals for sure right now despite a decent schedule with 3 road games
Bears 5-7: Texans, at Vikings, at Jags, Packers. Bears have lost 6 in a row. Can they lose to the Texans or Jags? That would be hilarious and get Nagy/ Pace fired possibly. Vikings and Packers smoke them to end their chances at 7-9.
Lions 5-7: Packers, at Titans, Bucs, Vikings. Toughest final 4 games for any team for sure as everyone .500 or better. Bevell will need to pull off some magic because this ain’t beating the Bears. Lions probably need to run the table but there are 8-8 7th seed scenarios too. Detroit will need to force some fluke turnovers because the defense just won’t be able to get it done otherwise. Swift and KG need to come back this week badly. Hand, Okudah, Flowers back would be nice too but won’t hold my breath. Swift drop Week 1 looms large now plus all the double digit leads blown and losing to the shitty Panthers
My wild ass LKP guess you will make fun of soon enough:
- Packers HFA and bye
- Saints (nice rematch with Vikings… evil laugh)
- Rams (Ram tough)
- WFT (Alex Smith da man and Riverboat Ron)
- Seattle (Wilson will do enough and then smoke WFT)
- Bucs (Brady will do enough and rematch against Rams)
- Vikings (Shooters shoot)