What to Hate About Denver

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I am a hater of all things. I hate you, you and you. I don't don't know you and I hate your guts. I wish all the bad things on Earth to happen to you and nobody else. Now excuse me, but I have to go fill your mother's dish.

We have conquered the bye week. That means that our Sundays are off limits to our women until our playoff run ends. Sadly for Lions fans, that began in mid-October. This week the Packers travel to the Mile High City to play the Broncos. Don’t be stingy with the hate this week. You gotta puff. puff, give of your hatred of this town.

1. Mountain Girls. Men aren’t the only creatures that celebrate “No Shave November” in the Rocky Mountains. Shave your shit ladies!

2. Every man seems to have a home brew kit in their garage or basement. You know what impresses ladies more than making your own beer? Just about anything else.

3. Denver is the birthplace of Crocs. What the fuck is wrong with you people?

4. It’s a town built on quitters. People who settled in Denver during the Gold Rush initially wanted to go to California, but they got to the mountains and said to themselves “Uhhhhh. Those look big. I think I’ll stop here.” No wonder the Broncos drafted Jay Cutler

5. John Elway. This guy has enough genetic deformities to be confused for Andrew Luck’s father.

6. Weed tourists. While I applaud the legalization of marijuana, having Colorado being the first place it was completely legal, causes people to vacation there for the sole purpose of getting high. Not only do these fuckers not know where they are or how to get to where they are going, they can’t comprehend the directions they are being given either.

7. The location of the airport.  I mean for the love of all that is holy why the fuck do I have to drive halfway to Nebraska to fly the fuck out of here?

8. The ski patrol nazis. Cut a rope? Lose your pass. Go fast? Lose your pass. Have fun? Lose your pass. These fuckers just seem to want to ruin your good time for the sole reason that they have to work while you are having one.

9. Texans. They are all over the fucking place, and they are stupider than normal due to the oxygen deficiency that is achieved at high altitude

10. 3.2 Beer. You cannot buy full strength beer at a grocery store in Colorado. That’s right you can’t buy full strength beer where you buy your beef, milk and eggs. The laws do some good as it promotes the rampant craft beer industry in Colorado, but is it worth making me make another stop?

Next week we travel to Carolina, where I am unsure the locals have stopped bickering about the latest Duke-North Carolina game to realize that they, in fact, have an NFL team and one that some people think is pretty damn good.